Archive for April, 2016

PostHeaderIcon SO YOU GOT A NEW JOB …

By Vernalee
tips-to-resign-your-jobBy Vernalee
You have a new job! Congratulations! Now, it’s time to leave. How do you do so in style and in a dignified manner?
The recommended steps include:
1. Give the correct notice period.
2. Write a formal letter of resignation.
3. Confirm that your letter has been received.
4. Inform your colleagues.
5. Organize outstanding benefits.
6. Complete your exit interview.
7. Organize a written reference.
8. Tie Up the last loose ends.
Wow, that sounds like a lot! Yes and No.
Some probably say, “When a company layoffs or terminates you, their day of notification usually is your last day of work.” Fair or not – That’s them; this is you! Everybody eventually, even companies reap what they sow in due time. As for you – let your actions, strategies, and moves be marked with dignity, consideration, and professional ethics. The magic words that I have utilized upon any departure have been “Exit how you entered.”
Close the door graciously so that if need be, you can walk back through. (Hint: This advice works well in personal relationships as well).
The green grass on the other side may or may not stay green for long. In fact, it may only be a mirage and appear green. Needless to say, how you resign from your old job and how you commence your new one both “speak” to your character, professionalism, integrity; and in some instances, your longevity.
Let “the office buzz” be representative of you.
As the deer hunters in Mississippi say, “Watch your trail. Your tracks lead back to you!”
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By Vernalee
“Throwing good money after bad.” You know the phrase all too well. We throw good money after bad when we –
Waste good money after wasting it once; spend more money on something that has already failed; spend more and more money on something that will not be successful.
Often times, this spending defies logic; other times, we may feel like we are patching up something until we can do better. In the final analysis, the net results are the same. No good comes out of bad! Starting fresh as painful as it may be or as difficult as it is to start over may be the best solution. Sometimes it’s an oxymoron. Think about it? Amazingly people with money flowing out of their pockets always ask the person in need, “If money was not an object, what would you do?” Who sounds worst; the rich one asking or the poor one answering? Money is an object; it’s a major issue for those without. It’s why the “have-nots” are patching up the old car, because there is not available money in the coffers to buy a new one. Stop being so critical! Not all who have little are lazy. Some have become victims of circumstances; others need direction or a helping hand. Sorry, I didn’t hear you! Did someone offer suggestions on how a second chance could be provided? Did anyone help the person in need? If so, did you provide a one time fix or are you teaching them how to fish? Of course not, you did neither. It’s not your problem; it’s theirs! Are we hypocritical when we sit on the front row in church every Sunday, but “throw” our money everywhere but to help the unfortunate? There is an old saying that “Nothing is worse than watching money go down the drain” and/or “throwing good money after bad.” I disagree. Watching people suffer when we can help is worse. Altruism never goes out of style. The cycle will continue until all become engaged in the helping process. But what do I know! I am just a country girl from the small poverty stricken town of Glen Allan, Mississippi who was taught that giving is better than receiving!


By Vernalee
I know that you thought that I was about to bust a move and break out singing, dancing, and grooving to “Uptown funk!” I do however love those Bruno Mars moves! And of course, being a Mississippi native, he takes me home when he sings this part:
Julio, get the stretch
Ride to Harlem, Hollywood
Jackson, Mississippi
If we show up, we gon’ show out!”

But I’m taking this in a different direction.
Keep reading. You’ll get my point.
Besides, I’m tired of the games!
Don’t you get tired; sick and tired at that; of people thinking that they are getting over on you? Who do they think that they are fooling? Every one can see what they’re doing and what they obviously think that they are concealing. In fact, their path to hid “stuff” make the “stuff” that they think that they are hiding conspicuously obvious. How funny!
They work too hard to hid what most people know about them, but don’t mention or care to be bothered. They draw eyes to them more so due to their buffoonery. Most folks don’t really care about their so call “don’t show and tell” mannerisms and behaviors. Why? Because – It’s their issue; so why not keep the ownership there. I for one don’t care to be bothered with other folks business. I am too preoccupied with mine! Who cares? I don’t! That’s right! Let them deal with it. Yes, I am a devout caring person, but I have washed my hands of getting involved with other folks’ foolishness. If you don’t believe me, just watch me. I can show you better than I can tell you. Some folks may be “in my sight,” but they are definitely “out of mind!”
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By Vernalee
“Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.”
Forgiveness in relationships is absolute necessary. It has been noted that forgiveness and our health are closely associated. When we forgive, the act helps to remove many associated negative emotions including among others – hatred, animosity, guilt, regret, remorse, blame, shame, and self-contempt. Essentially and often, forgiveness and forgetting go hand in hand. Some people forget, but they don’t forgive. They hold tight to the infraction that produced the hurt. You can’t forgive what you won’t let go! The Bible teaches us that forgiveness is necessary and is a tenet of our faith. God forgave us! Why can’t we forgive others? It is important to forgive others as we have been forgiven by the blood of Christ.
The Holy Bible provides many, many scriptures regarding the necessity to forgive. Examine among others:
‎Matthew 6:14-15; ‎1 John 1:9; ‎Mark 11:25; and ‎Acts 3:19 for starters.
Matthew 6: 14, 15 tells us: “For if you forgive other people when they sin
against you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you.
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive you.”
Let us – forgive, forget, let go, and move on! We will be better and feel better when we do!
Happy Sunday! God Bless!
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By Vernalee
imageTo leave well enough alone means to allow something to stay as it is because doing more would not improve it. Under this guise, if you try to change something, you are subject to make it worse. The plot and debate thicken. There is a divide. There is a group of folks who say “Leave well enough alone,” and another faction whose opinion is “Don’t leave well enough alone.” The argument includes the rationale – how can progress be made if we don’t venture out; if we don’t seek change. Now comes the bounty of questions:
Do we fix what’s not broken?
When faced with senseless drama, spiteful criticism, and misguided opinions, do we walk away responding with anger only to validate the others’ attitude?
Where do we draw the line?

Ultimately, we have to make a decision, even if it’s pencil thin. It becomes a personal, an individualized choice. Whatever direction that is taken, you have to live with the results. Decisions, decisions, decision! As for me, I can leave well enough alone or do the inverse. As I decide, all I can do in the interim is echo Gandhi’s saying, “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”
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By Vernalee
imageIt’s written all over your face is an expression which suggests that your emotions are evidently shown. Your facial expressions clearly show what you think of something. It may not be clear to you, but others can read you like a book. Who do you think that you’re fooling? Don’t you know that “truth be told” that everyone can see what you thought you hid! Your face with a taste of your reactionary body language tells it all. You don’t even have to open your mouth. If only you could look in the mirror, you would probably see what everyone else see loud and clear. Anger, joy, guilt, sadness, worry, happiness, confusion, lies … your face shows it all!
No wonder the Rude Boys with the vocals of Joe Little, Edward Banks, and the late great GERALD Levert with their title single, “It’s written all over your face” rocked the charts and won the Billboard Music Award for No. 1 R&B Single of the Year in 1991. The lyrics were relatable and telling. Sing along.
It’s written all over your face
You don’t have to say a word
Just smile a smile a smile
A smile for me
It’s better than any word I ever heard.”

Clearly, as noted in the song and revealed on your face, your facial expressions speak for you even if you are silent.
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By Vernalee
Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown” is a line from the William Shakespeare play King Henry the Fourth. I love Shakespearian plays. Julius Caesar remains my favorite. Their depth and breath are reflective of everyday aspects and anxieties of life. They make you think. Agreed? “Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown” describes a person who has great responsibilities, power, and prestige who is constantly worried and therefore doesn’t sleep soundly. The uneasiness profilerates and produces those tiny gray strings of wisdom. Just ask President Obama; his hair changed from black to white almost overnight. In modern times, the saying fits many people who have great responsibilities – leaders, executives, entrepreneurs, CEO’s / Presidents, parents, care givers, etc. – Sleepless nights, stress, and worry are accompaniments to the “crown.” We crown wearers worry about others often times more than they worry about themselves. Well now, I wonder who is worried about us? Though unamusingly hilarious, that’s a question whose answer may be shockingly surprising! Nevertheless those whose heads are adorned with the beautiful jeweled crown laden with rubies and precious stones … like the one that I wear daily … have to balance our activities, duties, and responsibilities so that nothing tilts. We are jugglers who must maintain equalization in our lives and those of others. Careful we must be to manage it all! Cautious we must be to minimize the stress.
Not only do we have extremely weighty decisions to analyze and make, all eyes are upon us at all times; even when we sleep! Are they pleasurably watching us or waiting for us to fall? Who knows? While most sleep, we are awake. Usually, we are in deep thought determining the next steps for us and others as they nap and snore. (Zzzz). It comes with the “crown” territory. The scrutiny of us in general and our decisions in particular can be microscopic; unbearable at times. Speaking of pressure, it can heavy enough to make you scream. Go ahead; release it, let it out! It is imperative that you stay “cool, calm, and collected.” When your release valves are open, they help you manage more efficiently, remain less stressful, and make wiser decisions. How judicial of the process! We cannot always change hats and roles. We cannot throw the crown in the trash; too many people depend upon us. We can however wise up and learn to examine the facts, make prudent decisions, and get an occasional good night’s sleep. We may even graduate to the level to sleep like a baby; worry free for a moment. More importantly, with time, we will graduate and become indoctrinated with one important factor, namely – to take one day at a time. Personally, I have learned to throw my burdens on the Lord. His guidance will never misdirected you. To my followers who wear the crown, let the admonition of Matthew 6:34 soothe your soul. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” You see, you become smarter with everyday of sunshine! With age comes wisdom!
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PostHeaderIcon “I’M SORRY” – 2 WORDS HARD TO SAY

By Vernalee
Mistakes, missteps, apologies – where do they all fit? Why is it difficult to apologize? Despite the associated pride, admittance of errors, revelation of guilt, and other variables, apologizing to people that you love is a prerequisite, particularly if you wish to stay around. In that spirit, there are Eight Things that you should always apologize for if you love someone.
People make mistakes; some intentional, some not. When that happens or feelings are bruised, should there be an apology extended and who should apologize first? It’s this fallacy that whoever apologizes first is either the weakest or is guilty. Such is not the case. Apologies are not signs of weakness or guilt; quite the contrary. They are expressions of caring; expressions of not caring who says it first – because it really doesn’t matter. Can I get an Amen? Raise your hand if you strive to be the biggest person; simply because you want a harmonious relationship; simply because you care enough to say it first; simply because you want to do the right thing. At the count of eight, read below and let me know if you would or should apologize when and if any of these occurrences happen:
1. Starting fights and arguments
2. Slacking and not doing your share of the errands and chores.
3. Not trying hard enough to make the changes your partner would appreciate or has requested that you make.
4. Not bothering to make special occasions special.
5. Not paying enough attention.
6. Losing your cool and saying things that you instantly regret.
7. For not being there when your partner needed you.
8. For not having the guts to apologize in the first place.
Are you still counting? All kidding aside, apologies breed understanding. They are foundational for solid relationships. They show compassion; they take you up a notch higher. Believe it or not, an apology is a demonstration of strength not weakness. It’s about saying that you truly care. That two letter word, “I’m sorry”, though hard to utter for many … goes a long way. It travel like the speed of light and penetrate the heart and ears of those needing to hear. Try it and see how it works!
Alright, step aside. Let me deal with those who reside in their utopia world of individual perfection. They worry not about pleasing anyone but themselves. You know who I’m talking about. Right? Therefore, if you are one of those folks in this elite class who never admit to being sorry and the words “I’m sorry” rarely or never leave your lips, this advice is not for you. You are in that self professed group of people who are never wrong! Please forgive me for being presumptuous to have entered your world making suggestions that I am sure you regard as outlandish. “I’m Sorry!” Please accept my apology!
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By Vernalee
Your old boyfriend or girlfriend ain’t what they use to be may be a true statement. Hmmm. Starting a fire takes the same utensils every time. There are no shortcuts. Rekindling is something different, because the fire is burning. It’s the same for old relationships that you wish to re-cultivate. You know about those. People that you knew and loved before, lost contact with or called it Splitsville – are now back. Social media has an uncanny way of reuniting folks. You feel since you know them that there is less risk. Somehow, you are ignoring the fact that people change, mature, and grow up. Their exterior may look the same barring the aging condiments, but their interior may be totally different.
Let’s examine 3 Rules for firing up an old relationship. Here goes.
1. Don’t think that because you already know the person that no work is required; that it’s a slam dunk.
2. Don’t overthink it. Be yourself; be natural.
3. Your reuniting should be for more than comfort and ease. The same rules of dating apply.
It is said that old “flames” make good mates. I guess you want know until or unless you try. It’s a risk, but most things are. The real question is: Are you willing to take the plunge? Are you ready to try on an old relationship for size? For the skeptics, hold your horses! Rekindling romance has a high success rate. A California study found that 72 percent of couples who reunited after more than five years apart, entered into long-term relationships with two-thirds resulting in marriage or engagement. This fact validates that although you can’t go back in time, it may be better the second time around!
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By Vernalee
One of the tasks that I seriously dislike is pumping gas. As such, I try to stop as infrequent as possible. Shrewdly, a fill-up is the best alternative. Now, let me tell you why standing at the gasoline pump is low on my list. Growing up in Glen Allan, Mississippi, my Daddy owned a gas station. As we operated a family business, we kids were tasked with the responsibility of pumping gas for our customers. What an unexciting job! The story gets deeper. Keep reading. My Daddy was a revolutionary thinker in that he was the first and only Black man who owned a full service gas station to extend credit to his customers. When the Civil Rights Movement hit the Mississippi Delta, the Headstart workers (teachers, cooks, drivers) were at last able to work somewhere other than in the cotton fields and on the plantations. Since Headstart paid its workers once a month, my Daddy offered a helping hand. The workers could charge their gas (with no interest or surcharge), but come pay day, their account was to be paid in full. It was his contribution to help Black workers “do better.” In fact, his trade increased expontientially much to the chagrin and displeasure of the town’s White gas station owners. Black folks came from neighboring communities to trade with us. Interestingly, none of his customers ever stiffed him by not paying. Daddy made a “way out of no way” for them, but he also made a mint! Now, forty plus years since those days, I reflect. I say … What a terrific Daddy; what a shrewd businessman; what an incredible contibutor to the betterment of people; what a memorable Civil Rights legacy that he left behind. As a youngster, I didn’t understand or comprehend the significance behind any of this or why he made this calculated socially conscious business move. I just saw it as my working at minimum wages pumping regular and premium gasoline for too many customers. Fast forwarding – Don’t take this the wrong way; nothing has changed. To this day, I truly dislike lifting the gas nozzle. However, when I do – I think of my Daddy, Mr. Walter, a wise man who knew that business was more than making money! Though uneducated, he was a savvy businessman. He definitely knew the business side of business and what he did was not business as usual!
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