Archive for June, 2016


By Vernalee
Be left out in the cold means
I am sure that you have heard the expression, “You left me out in the cold.” Exactly what does that mean? I’m glad that you asked! It means to not allow someone to become part of a group or an activity or to not inform someone as to what is happening or has happened. The person who is orchestrating this process purposefully alienated, excluded, or barred information or support from another person. You may ask, “What’s wrong with that?” “Isn’t it the prerogative of a person to share or not share what he/she desires?” Of course, the freedom of choice is always an option that is reserved to the person making the decisions.
Generally speaking, it is their prerogative. They are well within their means to do whatever they please. But that conclusion can be drawn for just about everything or any situation in life. Therefore, it is always the spirit and intent of an action that underscore the true meaning. Sometimes, protecting and excluding information may be well intended; other times, it is blatantly malicious and unscrupulous. In those cases, it changes the flavor. This process can occasionally backfire if the person that was left out in the cold freezing elements has the wisdom and wherewithal to bring warmth and knowledge that can help you progress or take you to the next level. What happens if you unintentionally add fuel to the fire and to the person that you intended to freeze out? The coldness becomes less frigid when there is movement. Don’t underestimate their intelligence or expect the person to stand still in the cold! The intelligent ones learn to adjust and adapt to the freezing atmosphere. It is amazing the survival techniques that are acquired when someone’s back is up against the walls. Don’t be surprised if the person that you locked out becomes smarter than you. To survive, they learn how to weather the storm. Please don’t get angry when they build a fire, evaporate the icicles, and clothe themselves warmly to resist the coldness. And … for goodness sakes, don’t be shocked when and if they light a fire up under you! Your intended alienation brought out the best in them! It backfired! Now, you can credit yourself with creating a survival who may outlast you! Who’s cold and shivering now?


By Vernalee
Some folks have skills! Plus, they know how to effectively use them.
Playing both ends against the middle is one of their tricks. When that happens, the manipulator attempts to make two people or groups compete with each other in order to get an advantage for themselves. Sometimes, they try to get opposing people or groups to fight or disagree. They stop at nothing and utilize every trick in the book; any measure that will give them an advantage.
Actually, they are so skilled, you really can’t defeat them at their game. You can only outsmart them! If you don’t, you will be caught up in their web with no way to get out. Being in the middle is a tight squeeze; it’s uncomfortable! Don’t get caught with no way out. Know where the exit is before you enter. Keep a lifeline.
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By Vernalee
One of the popular English proverbs is “You can’t have your cake and eat it (too).” Literally, it means that “you cannot simultaneously retain your cake and eat it.” Once the cake is eaten, it is gone. Figuratively, the expression means – “you can’t have it both ways.” Said differently, “you can’t have the best of both worlds.” Now of course, we know people who personify the meaning. How does one expect a person to be alright with unfair treatment? How can someone mistreat you and expect your actions to be unfazed/unblemished? Many do! It is quite silly and irresponsible to think otherwise. Retaliatory thoughts do enter the mind! Some are enacted! You cannot kick or knock a person down and expect him/her to rise up and kiss you. It doesn’t work that way … even if the cake has icing on top! Remember Sir Isaac Newton formulated the Laws of Motion centuries ago. The principles still stand. For every action there is an equal and opposite re-action!
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PostHeaderIcon IT’S A KNOCKOUT!

By Vernalee
Growing up, we think very little about the influences of our parents. We are too young, inexperienced, and immature to think of the magnitude of their teachings. As we age, and particularly when we have families, we see and feel their impact more. In many ways unbeknownst to us, they have rubbed off on us. In so many ways, we imitate them. We become miniature models without realizing it. Here’s a great example. Take a look!

In conclusion, to my two darling children, reach for the stars, try the impossible, but don’t do what Laila Ali did and get in the ring with me! I am the greatest and as your Mother, I still hold the championship title to knock you out (with words, in particular), if you go too far! Smile!


By Vernalee
Greetings this Sunday morning. Someone gave me words of encouragement this week that I bring to you. Today, I share with you a basic fact. Stop worrying about folks; what they will do; what their next attack may be; what direction their spear of evil and unfairness comes. Stop looking at them; keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. Start relying on the Lord! Continue praying to him for your deliverance from wayward vindictive people; particularly those who do evil things to you for no legitimate reason. They may have the upper hand now. They may exercise greater control; they may even have bigger purse strings. Their external facade may be one of substantial material possessions including plush homes, fancy cars, businesses to boot, and overflowing “diamonds and pearls.” Jesus Christ, the greatest of greatest did not own a home, have a bed to call his own, or a chariot to take him from one destination to another. God’s son walked as he preached the Father’s words of salvation. With gracious humility, he treated all people the same! So, I’m here to tell you that we serve a mighty God who sits high and looks low. A God who never leaves his children; never forsake them. He sees all. Don’t worry. One day, the Lord will put unjust people in their rightful place. You may or may not see it, but no one escapes his judgment. Exodus 14:14 instructs us to just sit still. God will fight your battles. The tide may turn where the same people who tried to set you up for failure will need you to set them up for success. There is a natural tendency to get angry with people who mistreat you, but God tells us to love and pray for our enemies. (Matthew 5:44). You should not retaliate against them, but follow the wisdom of Proverbs 25:21 and 1Peter 3:9. Pay them back with a blessing and God will bless you.
In Psalms 110:1, we read, “Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet.” So sit back. Prop up your feet. Hold your head high. Observe. Relax. Wait on God’s unchanging hands! He will not let you down! God’s plan for your life far exceeds the circumstances of your day. If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it.
Happy Sunday! Blessings!
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By Vernalee
Originally Recorded in Sheffield, Alabama in 1966 by the late great Percy Sledge, “When a man loves a woman” was the number one song in the land. The lyrics were so rich that the song has skyrocketed the charts with remakes by Bette Midler and Michael Bolton.
In part, here goes the words:
When a man loves a woman
Can’t keep his mind on nothing else
He’ll trade the world
For the good thing he’s found
If she’s bad he can’t see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he put her down
When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Trying to hold on to what he needs
He’d give up all his comfort
Sleep out in the rain
If she said that’s the way it ought to be.”
So ladies listen up!
If a man can’t love you unselfishly like this, he is just shucking and jiving. If he is not by your side through thick and thin, get real; stop fooling yourself. Here’s how this works. You don’t have to call because he’s there. You don’t have to ask, he knows your needs. You’ll never come up last or have to pick a number. If he doesn’t want to leave your side, spend endless nights and plentiful time with you, you are not number one; he is!
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Relax with President Obama and First Lady Michelle at the White House and listen to Joshua Ledet’s version. You’ll get the spirit in the dark and the message too – loud and clear!


By Vernalee
imageWhat are you taking into your new relationship? Before you answer, “nothing,” think and think again. You may be surprised what you are rolling in with you. Stress, guilt, low self esteem, resentment, fear, anger, depression, residue from past relationships, bitterness, lack of trust, secrets, and other weighty issues may be emotionally in tow with you. Hopefully, your baggage is on wheels. In either case, the weight can get heavy. In fact, it can be too much! Are you ready for a new relationship? Do you need to detox? Before you answer look at the signs.
10 Signs that you’ve got too much emotional baggage for a relationship:

1. You blame first, defend second.
2. You think you own the other person.
3. You can’t receive the constructive criticism.
4. You agree first, stab in the back second.
5. You think your friend are “all that.”
6. You have a lazy – snobbish disgusting child syndrome.
7. You are a selfish, petty, grandiose narcissist.
8. You are a whiner.
9. You are a martyr.
10. You are a rebel who is asking to be controlled.
If a majority of these emotional substances are in your luggage, perhaps you need to rid yourself of them and their influences. Otherwise, you will roll them right into your new relationship and transfer the weight to your new partner. Then he or she is on the seesaw with you trying to balance what you brought in! Is that fair? Probably not! An understanding partner who loves you will be there. He/she will help with the transition. Two people need not be totally angered and depressed! Right? Removing the weight is your job!
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By Vernaleeimage
I recently watched the movie, “The Intern.” In fact, I found myself watching it on HBO several times. Starring Anne Hathaway and Robert DeNiro, it is very entertaining; a must watch; a story of old school wisdom joining forces with a young entrepreneurial approach. A twist of the ordinary, a 70 year DeNiro is the interm. The movie clearly demonstrate that experience never grows old. Without question, though not always the case, our bosses and company owners should be leaders. “The Intern” is full of leadership lessons:
1. Keep moving.
2. Leaders set the tone.
3. If there is a hole in your life, fill it.
4. Leaders can get blindsided. They can’t see everything coming. Step back,
breathe, and see what’s happening.
5. Celebrate good things.
6. Passing the leadership baton can be difficult.
7. Find the formula for fair distribution of work. Stop piling up layers
and layers of work on a person where it is not manageable.
8. Your ways may not be as productive as you think.
9. You’re never wrong to do the right thing.
10. We think that we’re less screwed up than we really are.
So what if your boss is not a leader? What if he/she leaves a lot to be desired? You will soon realize that you can’t change them. You can only change you. Learn to not be like them! Imitating poor conduct, be it from a leader or not, is not advisable. By all means, don’t let their mishaps rub off on you! Maximize your potential which may include leaving an environment where leadership and opportunities are absent or poor.
Rather, carry this cadre of quotes to motivate you:
A. Success never sleeps nor does it wait. It is available 24x7x365 even if
you are not.
B. You will make mistakes. Learn from them.
C. When was the last time that you did something for the first time. Keep
D. Not taking risks ultimately lead to failure.
E. Ethics is knowing the difference between what you have a right to
do and what is right to do.

F. Look back at past mistakes as a lesson, not a regret.
G. Positive things happen when you distance yourself from negative people.
H. Ego, particularly an inflated one, is the enemy.
I. Business success = mission, strategy, and resources.
The list goes on. Let all be a lesson learned whereby you can move from Point A to Point Z pridefully and successfully. Don’t let others be your stumbling block! Keep moving; don’t give up! Reach for the sky!
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By Vernalee
Whatever happened to the old fashioned handshake deal? You remember those don’t you? The handshake sealed the deal. It brought two people together as they stood looking at each other eyeball to eyeball to make a covenant binding agreement. The handshake solidified your agreement to do what you said you would do. Honor was involved. In other words, it provided a firm grip for you to be a man or woman of your word. Said differently, a handshake deal was a verbal commitment to a transaction. Now, I know that we live in a litigious society and we must protect ourselves by memorializing the terms in a written agreement. It is an extra form of protection that can serve as evidence if misunderstandings occur. I do not underestimate their relevance or say that they are not needed, because they are! My reference is to the basic agreement of people honoring what they said. Sweaty hands, dry hands, warm hands … when met with another hand meant something. Perhaps, commitments and promises to do what you said that you would do are a thing of the past; forever gone. Maybe, trust and honor between two people don’t mean what they once did. When your word is no longer your bond, the essence of good faith is gone. Sometimes, I wish that what was old was new again! Word!
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By Vernalee
We use metaphors from time to time to bring home a point. They tend to help us see a situation clearer.
“An Elephant in the room” is an metaphorical idiom that refers to an obvious truth that is going unaddressed or to an obvious problem or risk that no one wants to discuss. It is so profound as the expression is focused around the idea or thought that an elephant because of its sheer size would be impossible to overlook. Agreed? Although a truism, it occurs; frequently at that!
The impossibility of this carefree ignorance makes it all the more interesting. How can we ignore a problem or issue that is clearly right before our eyes particularly when the problem is blatantly obvious or too big to go unnoticed? Because it is a big problem/issue/truth, how can we push it under the rug? We can’t! We are only fooling ourselves and others! If we don’t deal with the elephant, it will continue to take up space in our minds, our lives, and our homes.
We will remain uncomfortable because there is no comfort when the elephant is blocking our view and our reasoning! It’s too big to evaporate through osmosis! Why do we refuse to acknowledge the elephant’s presence? There are many reasons. Denial is a predominant one! It may take some effort and time, but we can remove the elephant from our view; from our space. Whether it is a relationship problem or any salient life issue, do know that it will not fade away in the sunset. We have to address it; remove it. Until that is done, there will not be peace or comfort in our lives!
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