Archive for July, 2016


By Vernalee
The past couple of months have been emotionally draining. So today, on this last Sunday in July 2016, I lovingly and gratefully say, “Thank you Lord! Thank you for your covering, your grace, your love, your mercy, and your protection for my family and me.
My list of thanks… is never ending; it goes on and on, but merciful Lord, I know that you can read my heart. I know Lord that you know what my thoughts are before I conceive them. I know that you know the words that I am about to utter before they exit my mouth! So, thank you Lord for being there; never leaving my side. Thank you Lord for a loving daughter named Phoebe; a protective son that I named David and call Scooter; an adorable grandson, my very own King David; a stand by my side Mother, Miss Phoebe; a caring family; and multitudes of special friends!
Thank you for removing people from my life who need not be there so that the doors can be opened to receive goodness. I am so grateful that my heart and mind acknowledge what my eyes saw before but refused to accept. I know that my heart may sometimes ache, but that you will be my comforter. Truly, I am blessed; too blessed to be stressed! Hallelujah! Thank you for teaching me how to love, how to forgive, how to shake the dust off my feet and move on! I know that I am work in progress, but I also know that I travel the road not alone as you are on the journey with me. Thank you Lord for life; thank you everything!”
Happy Sunday to my followers. Blessings!


By Vernalee
Without question, somewhere in our lives, we have experienced the agony of cheating. Regardless of the pain and the circumstances that preceded, you must deal with it. Don’t hold your head down – rise up, move on, and keep stepping as you learn from your past!
Here are 7 things to remember when you feel “cheated.” Take a look.
1. “The person who cheated on you is likely broken in more ways than you realize. – When people cheat in any arena, they diminish themselves – they directly threaten their own self-esteem and their relationships with others by undermining the trust they have in their ability to succeed and in their ability to be true. This, however, does NOT excuse their behavior.
2. The truth hurts, but it’s much healthier than holding on to the lies you once believed. – The really scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us in the long run than exposed lies. The truth heals, even if it hurts at first.
3. Arguing with someone who has intentionally hurt you only enflames the pain. – Truth be told, you are often most powerful and influential in an argument regarding betrayal when you are most silent. The perpetrator never expects silence.
4. It’s always best to wish people well, even if they don’t deserve it. – As Gandhi so profoundly said, “An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” If you spend your time and energy hoping someone will suffer the consequences for breaking your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.
5. Healing gets easier when you learn to accept an apology you never received. – Forgiveness is crucial for your healing. The key is to be mindful and grateful, despite what happened.
6. The person who hurt you doesn’t speak for the rest of us. – Every one of us suffers from at least one heart wrenching betrayal in our lifetime. In a backwards way, it’s what unites us. When it happens to you, the key is not to let one person’s despicable actions destroy your trust in others.
7. A wonderful, life-changing gift may not be wrapped as you expect. – When you don’t get what you want, sometimes it’s necessary preparation, and other times it’s necessary protection. But the time is never wasted. It’s a step on your journey. Someday you’re going look back on this time in your life as an important time of grieving and growing. You will see that you were in mourning and your heart was breaking, but your life was changing for the greater good.”
Forgive, move on, and stand your ground.
When you can be the bigger person, you rise and rise and rise!
Photo credit:; Source: – Author: Mark Chernoff


By Vernalee
From time to time, my viewing audience sends me questions. Here’s one of them.
Question #1 – While out of town, my boyfriend permitted a female friend to drive his car to pick up her child from camp. Needless to say, I was upset. My boyfriend called me to inform me of his decision possibly to protect him in the event that I saw her behind his wheels. First of all, I had never driven his new car. Secondly, why didn’t she ask her man or the child’s father? Lastly, I believe that she likes him! Am I overreacting?
Mary Jane
Dear Mary Jane,
In situations like this, I always try to walk in the other person’s mocassins. Then, I pose the question as to what a reasonable boyfriend would probably do if he was placed in a similarly situated position. Role reversals work miracles. They shed lights of brilliant illuminations. My boyfriend is “true grit.” He is straightforward on most matters. Therefore in my mind, there would not be an acceptable scenario to paint if he saw another man driving my car. He would indeed be angry and would tell me that it was unacceptable. In fact, he would adamantly request that I not let it happen again. So what … if notification was provided. Forewarned is not foretold. Informing someone doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing to do. I do have a slight variation Mary Jane to your question that left me curious. Where did the female friend get the car keys since he was out of town? Does she have keys to his house? Hmm. Something seems fishy. Maybe, this female has been a cruising about town Danica Patrick all along. Maybe you are the only one riding in the dark with the lights on low beam. Crash! There may be more here than meets the eye. Of course, this is speculation at best. The so call driving incident may just be a sampling of other acts that have occurred between the two. All I can say is keep your eyes open. If you have to switch lanes (or the man), by all means do what is best for you! Food for thought and my thoughts!
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Note: This column is for entertainment purposes and should not be construed as the rendering of professional advice.


By Vernalee
Does your man trust you at his house when he is not there? Or does he utilize the rule – “When I leave, you leave!” Should you give each other a key if you are in monogamous and committed relationship? Or should you keep your keys and privacy to yourself? If you don’t surrender the key, does it suggest that you are hiding something or are you just protective about who you let into your space? Maintaining your freedom is important. Why give that up when it is an option? There is an old fashioned saying popular in the south, namely, “We will exchange keys when our last name is the same.” Of course, that means that the passing of the door keys comes along with the marriage.
Now then, outside of marriage, should you feel offended if you do not have a key to his/her front door when you feel that you are closer than close? Is that a realistic expectation? If you have a key to each other’s heart, what is so difficult about having a key to the front door of the house? The abstract is easy. A physical key – well that’s another thing.
Maybe the chronological flow is absent. Love, trust, and confidence precede the keys. Is there a consensus of mutual feelings between the two of you? Are you really there – standing upon each other’s sacred grounds where the secrets are nonexistent? Think twice. It may be a misread.
So, what exactly are the golden rules to determine this key dilemma? Really, are there any? Stop it right here and now. Forget the motions of reaching in your pocket or purse to grab the keys. Your actions speak loud and clear for you. They do the talking every time! It’s what you do beyond the lock and key that tells the story. If he/she has the key to your heart, the key to your door is just circumstantial. is it not? Don’t answer, but be for true to thine self.
Listen up, guys, please play fair. Don’t ask for her key if you are not willing to give yours. If you have truly and unconditionally opened your heart to your each other, the front, side, and back doors should already be unlocked and opened! So, should the windows! On the flip side, a closed heart and a closed door are not mutually exclusive. Trust me, forced entry is not your thing. Freedom to roam is more your cup of tea.
So I ask, “Ladies … are you in the house?” That’s street vernacular, but you get the point. Right? You and he know the answer as to whether the access is complete. It’s very telling! If the answer is not what you expect at the time you expect it, forget the keys, walk out of the door even if it is a revolving one. Why remain in a “house” that is not a “home?”
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By Vernalee
To bring home the bacon means to earn money, particularly for one’s family; to be successful, especially financially successful; to supply means of subsistence; earn a living; attain success or reach a desired goal.
For years, the man held the distinction of being the primary wage earner and the person who made the most money. That trend is changing.
Women nowadays not only take care of the household but also bring home the bacon.
According to the NY Times, the median household income for married women who earn more than their husbands — more often white, slightly older and college educated — is $80,000. When the wife is the primary breadwinner, the total family income is generally higher.
Check out this statistic: One fourth of women earn more than their husbands.
What happens to the family when the woman rises to the top and assumes this role? Here is where the debate and varying opinions occur.
Some say that it is a recipe for disaster. Others say that the family is better off. A selected group contends that it’s not just about the dollars. Men find not being the breadwinner a little unsteadying. They feel that their role is being threatened. Women breadwinners allege unfairness in that they still bear the brunt of child rearing and the abundant housework. Let’s not forget the traditional theory that children turn out better when the Mother stays home.
Alright, let me give you one more example. Who should pay the bill in the restaurant; the man or the woman? Some say the man; some say it doesn’t matter; others say why blow a gasket! The bottom line is who pays the credit card bill.
There is as much agreement as there is disagreement. Where is the balance? It is a tug of war. Is there a universal answer or does it depend upon the individual family?
Remember this: Bacon fits nicely between toasted bread. So when women “bring home the bacon and is the top breadwinner,” it’s too much for some traditionalists. What do you think? A penny – and a slice of bacon on toast with grape jelly – for your thoughts!
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By Vernalee
Feeling lonely in a crowd is nothing new. Many have felt the isolation. Worse than being alone is expecting the presence of someone who should be by your side, but they are no where to be found! Busted! Being a crowd pleaser is in many respects no longer vogue.
The man who follows the crowd will not get any farther than the crowd.
So what’s the catch?
Is it better to be lonely alone than to be lonely in a crowd?
It takes nothing to stand in a crowd. It takes a lot to stand alone.
What does it feel like to have a purportedly or self confessed cling along person who is a regular absentee? How does it feel to be lonely when your companion disappears, but makes occasional Harry Houdini appearances? What they do is just enough to escape an indictment, but not enough to cushion the love and support that should accompany their presence. Think about it, “if their actions were politically correct and emotionally supportive, no one including you could ask, “Where is he/she?” When you arrive, they are already there with open arms welcoming you! Now that’s what I’m talking about! So I ask … Do you feel all alone? Do you feel as if you’re by yourself? Are your expectations wishful thinking or reality based?
Stop! Don’t answer! And please don’t have a pity party. Stop exaggerating others’ worth when it’s not visible. Get with the program of knowing who’s who and who is not (in your life). The chameleons show up regularly and without notice. Is an appointment necessary for disappointments?
Eventually, you’ll wise up. You will realize that promises are often broken. You will discover the folks who talk out of both sides of their mouth very elegantly. You will know exactly where you stand, where they stand, and how close and secure the proximity is?
You will come to the greatest understanding in your life; a visibility that unlocks the mystery door. You will have revealed right before your very eyes this great fact!
You’ll never alone as long as you have the Lord! I just heard a pastor give a compelling sermon about making the necessary switches. Perhaps, it’s time for your switch-a-roo.
Stop making a man your savior. Once you permanently switch to the Lord, you’ll never feel lonely again; not temporarily, not for a second. Never! You’ll wake up with The Lord; go to bed with him (Zzz); walk with him; talk with him; be with him incessantly! Your loneliness has suddenly been washed down the drain. You are fresh and anew! Enjoy!
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By Vernalee
“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything” is one of those guiding light, inspirational, and motivational expressions. Its origin is attributed to Alexander Hamilton and popularized by actress Irene Dunne and clergyman Peter Marshall.
As for me, I first heard it from Miss Phoebe, my Mother. She used it constantly to influence, mold, and shape my thinking and my actions. It worked! Now, it’s generational. I repeated it to my son and daughter. It is so much easier to reach back and grab old fashioned knowledge that works and pass it along; rather than come up with something new. Why reinvent the wheel?
The impact of what we see, hear, and observe has phenomenal influences. It’s important to keep our minds on positivity. I keep motivational thoughts and wise sayings in close reach and read them often; sometimes a loud. Try these on for size.
* Think. Formulate Ideas. Try. Do. Do Again. And Again. Keep On Doing … which = Success.
* Never apologize for having high standards. People who want to be in your
life will rise up to meet them.
* You’ve got to be your own man; not a puppet on someone else’s string.
* Never compromise what’s right. Uphold your family’s name and yours.
* Today’s mighty oak is yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
* You’re lost if you’ve gone to look for yourself.
* Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up.
* Be on guard. Stand firm in your faith. Be courageous. Be strong.
(I Corinthians 16:33).
* Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. (Oscar Wilde).
* If you don’t understand my silence, how will you understand my words.
* Stand up. Stand tall. Be counted.
* Respect yourself. If you don’t, don’t expect others to.
* Small deeds done are better than big deeds planned. (Peter Marshall).
* There is only one way to avoid criticism. Do nothing. Say nothing. Be
nothing. (Aristotle).
* You will never influence the world by trying to be like it.
What do you stand for? Shhh. Don’t answer me. Let your response speak for itself. Let it be your guiding light. Let it motivate you to higher horizons.
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By Vernalee
Bible heroes – What would we do without these extraordinary men and women? Their courage, strength, integrity, faith, and love for the Lord uplift your soul. Here are a few selected ones. Let’s take a look!
David – a mighty warrior and King;
Joseph of Nazareth – an ordinary man with an obedient heart;
Mary – the Mother of Jesus;
Moses – led God’s people out of bondage & performed miracles never before seen;
Paul – a true believer;
Noah – a good man in a wicked world who remained loyal to God;
Samson – never a gentle giant;
Gideon – a reluctant hero;
Mordecai – had a cousin called Esther;
Joseph in Egypt – clever and wise.
I named by son after the man who was after God’s own heart, David, which in Hebrew means beloved one.
In studying biblical heroes, we learn varied lessons about humility, strength, failures, flaws, fragilities, missteps, love, etc…. Though heroes, they like us were all imperfect people. That is why Jesus, the only perfect person, taught us to look to God the Father. We were wisely instructed to “not put our trust in earthly men.” God will never fail us. His love is mighty, his arms of protection are wide; his guiding light shines bright. He has the power to make our crooked road straight; to turn darkness into light; to lift us to unforeseen height. He is omnipotent. God guides us, hears us, and answers our prayers. God and only God is our salvation. He is our eternal hero – today, tomorrow, forever!
What a mighty God we serve!
Happy Sunday! Blessings!
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By Vernalee
imageWatching someone like a hawk is to watch very carefully, especially because you expect them to do something wrong. Why are some folks so devious? They are always up to something! Oh my, can they negatively plot and get away appealingly scott free! Or do they? There’s another expression that “everyone bears watching.” Though such may be the case, the extent to which we watch is crucial. Hold up a minute. Let me adjust my pupils. I can even see you out of the corner of my eye!
Exerting too much energy toward others may minimize your effectiveness toward maximizing your outcome and potential. While your eyes are on them, whose eyes are on you? I wonder. Don’t be fooled. Don’t underestimate others and what they are doing. The surveillance game does not belong to you exclusively. Watch this! While your hawk eyes are on them, their eagle eyes may be scoping you out. They are always on the hunt and have become masters of the game. Be careful! The eagle’s speed and wing span is greater. Their keen eyesight is crisp and sharp. They can pick up your recognizance out of a lineup a mile away.
A balanced view and perspective will assist you in not developing an over concentration on others while sidestepping your matters. It is easy to slip, lose focus and regretfully fall. If you do, you may end up flying in the wrong direction or barking up the wrong tree. Take your mind off them. Your energies will follow. Keep your eyes on the prize – your prize! Then you can walk away with your decorated trophy for a job well done!
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By Vernalee
Picking Your Battles” implies that one should know when to fight for a cause and when to let go and accept the situation. Fighting for every cause may label one as a rebel and accepting every thing as it is may seem submissive. Finding the balance and knowing which battles to pick is the key.
As you ponder which battleground to enter or what steps to take, consider these wise sayings to help navigate your path.
* Stand up for yourself even if no one is on your side.
* The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn.
* Don’t sweat the small stuff.
* You don’t have to show up to every argument you’re invited to. (Mandy Hale).
* He will win who know when to fight and when not to fight. (Sun Tzu).
* Some things are not worth fighting for.
* Don’t let stupid things break your happiness.
* Don’t let things that don’t matter cause you to lose something that does.
* Weak people revenge; strong people forgive; intelligent people ignore.
* Not every battle is yours to fight.
* You have enemies. Good. That means that you’ve stood up for something sometime in your life. (Winston Churchill).
* Accept that the past is over. Some things are better left alone.
* Pick battles big enough to win and small enough to matter.
* A grace taunt is worth a thousand insults. (Louis Nizer).
* The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.
* 4 Things you can’t recover. The stone after the throw. The word after it’s said. The occasion after it is missed. The time after it is gone.
* Some battles are not yours, it’s the Lord. (2 Chronicles 20:15).
Personally, physical warfare is not my thing. As a writer, I have learned that the pen is mightier than the sword. It is effective and has tremendous therapeutic value. Words are ever lasting. They bruise the best!
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