Archive for August, 2016

PostHeaderIcon DIGITIAL INFIDELITY

By Vernalee
imageSome people never learn their lesson. Despite the fact that in 2013, former congressman Anthony Weiner could not move forward in his bid for Mayor of New York City because of the sexting allegations and his latter day admittance thereof, he is at it again. Oddly, he admitted to having explicit online relationships and virtual sexual encounters with at least ten women. This time around, Weiner was caught red handed again as he sent a photograph of his crotch as he laid bare chested wearing only his briefs next to his four year old son. What! No, your eyes are not playing tricks on you. You read it correctly! His wife, Huma Abedin, a top aide to Hillary Clinton, said enough is enough! Rightfully so! She has had it. So since Weiner couldn’t keep his fingers from pushing those buttons on his phone or whatever technological device he used to transport his sexually explicit images, he has ruined his career and apparently now lost his family. Click, click. Reportedly, he has been fired from his position as a columnist from New York Daily News and NY1.
I don’t know if I can classify sexting as an addiction. In fact, I am not a licensed therapist trained to classify any form of human behavior. Here I go again.
For sure, sexting has its problems. Agreed?
To find the answers, I turned to a well known expert, Dr. Keith Ablow. Here is what he had to say:
1. Texting and sexting are as addictive to millions of people as heroin.
2. No psychiatrist worth anything would dismiss the fact that any person who would take a photo of himself or herself, while sexually excited, lying next to his or her 4-year-old son, then send it to another adult (and, accidentally, via the Internet and the media, to hundreds of millions of people) might be a person with a history of having been violated, sexually, as a child.
3. Marriage is, more often than we like to admit, a barren landscape, wherein outlets for sexual energy are rare or absent.
Now, I like most have never met Huma or her violative sexting hubby, Anthony. We don’t know the in’s and out’s of their marriage. We can only say that it’s sad that his desires got the best of him. No one can point fingers. Who are we to judge this epidemic of sexting?
For the record, sexting is sending and receiving sexually explicit messages, primarily between mobile phones.
The Pew Research Center commissioned a study on sexting, which divides the practice into three types:
1.Exchange of images solely between two romantic partners.
2.Exchanges between partners that are shared with others outside the relationship.
3.Exchanges between people who are not yet in a relationship, but where at least one person hopes to be.
Sexting has become more common because most cell phones have cameras that can be used to send explicit messages, photographs, and videos.
In conclusion, our conduct will eventually be revealed no matter what form of expressions we use. Respectable behavior always is the better choice. Knowing who is on the other end (the recipient) is wise. Trusting that they will not expose you is critical. It is the receiver who has the power to show the world how uncivilized and lewd the sender really is! They hold the trump card. If you get caught, you are …Busted!
Photo credit: www.kachwanya.com; Source: www.NYDaily news.com; www.en.wikipedia.org

PostHeaderIcon WORD POWER – A THREE LETTER WORD CALLED “BUT”

By Vernalee
image
As a little boy, my son loved the video shorts that aired on Saturday Mornings called School House Rock. One of his favorite shows and songs was called “Conjunction Function.” It went like this:
“Conjunction Junction, what’s your function?
Hooking up words and phrases and clauses.
Conjunction Junction, what’s their function?
I got “and”, “but”, and “or”,
They’ll get you pretty far.”

He loved that song. I did too!
Yes, conjunctions are amazing connectors. We used them regularly and judiciously.
Switching gears from then to now and from adolescence to adulthood, allow me to show you the relevant impact of conjunctions. Ready, set, go!
First though, I’ve got a question for you.
How is your relationship these days?
“It is alright, BUT …”
That response brings to the forefront the realization that “the difference between a healthy romantic relationship and one that most likely won’t work out is the word “BUT.” That elementary three letter word (BUT) is indeed simple BUT has a powerful complex connotation. It is normally used to indicate an impossibility or express an objection.
One expert provides us with helpful common sense advice. When in a relationship, “LISTEN to yourself when you are talking to your friends about the person that you purportedly love. Listen to the words that come out of your mouth. They reveal everything about whether or not the relationship is making you happy.
When a relationship is good (healthy) there are no “BUTS.” That is not to say that a healthy relationship is perfect. It isn’t. But rather that when someone is truly making you happy, you are only sharing good news about that person and your relationship. In fact, you may catch yourself incessantly, favorably, and unconsciously talking about the pleasantries that he brings.
Listen up. If a friend asks you, “How is your guy?” and you answer in one of these ways, the man is a keeper.
My guy is:
1. The best.
2. A total sweetheart.
3. Great, he surprised me yesterday and showed up at my house with lunch.
4. We are having so much fun!
5. I just love him.
6. Kind, caring, and giving.
7. I’m just really happy.
8. I’ve been waiting for him all my life.”
9. I definitely feel as if I am an integral part of his life/plans and not merely an after thought. He includes me in it all; everything.
10. I enjoy our time together. He maximizes every moment and is not sporadic with his time and resources. He is always around and I want him to be. I love his presence.
Relationships develop “a theme” very early on. In other words, the stage is set almost from the start, and whatever the issues are, they will usually be there for the entire relationship. So if you hear yourself saying, “I love him “BUT” ….” something is wrong; drastically wrong!” The question should become, “Can it be fixed?”
Often times, we hide behind excuses rather than deal with the heart of the issue. We don’t like to impose injuries and certainly don’t want to hurt his feelings. It’s funny when it’s not reciprocal. His feelings and interactions with you may not reflect the same sentiments. We can routinely hide behind the truth. Here again, we would tell him BUT …
We have to kiss the word “BUT” goodbye if we want our relationship to flourish and survive. Removing it from our vocabulary is a start; from our relationship is a plus. “BUT” is that one word that stands tall between you and success.
There you have it, “BUT” I can’t make you do it!
Photo credit: www.mightymirth.com; Source: www.huffingtonpost.com/Jackie Polpssoph

PostHeaderIcon THE POWER OF WORDS: HERE ARE 7

By Vernalee
image
Are you magically persuasive?
Yes or no.
Before you answer, though I am as gregarious and as talkative as they come, don’t take my word for it. See what the experts have to say. According to Lolly Daskal, President/CEO of Lead from Within, “If you know the right words, you can just about get anything you want.”
Power words are the secret weapon of persuasion. “Here are seven of them–study them, use them, practice them, and watch what happens.
1. You
In a Yale study, you ranked as the No. 1 most influential power word in English. You shows compassion and empathy, which are at the heart of persuasive speech. The only way to boost the power of you is by using the person’s name. “You know it’s true, [name]” makes your pitch suddenly very meaningful.
2. Imagine
The word imagine expands the idea of what’s possible. Imagine you’ve won the lottery. Imagine you have the funding you’re seeking. Imagine living in your ideal house. It’s a word that opens opportunity–a word that says to skip all the worries. It bypasses critical thinking and goes straight to what feels good.
3. Act
Nothing is more powerful than action. When people act to make things happen, they move themselves closer to what they want–regardless of the outcome.
4. Because
The power of because lies on two fronts. For logical thinkers, there is great appeal in connecting cause and effect. But because works on emotions, too. If someone’s in line at Starbucks and asks to cut in front, the likely answer is no. But if that stranger adds “… because my child is waiting for me outside,” people are far more likely to say yes. Stating a reason helps people connect logically and emotionally.
5. Now
Immediacy is what everyone wants: Get what you want now. Make a change now. You can start now. Tomorrow is too late, yesterday is over, and now is exactly the right moment to start.
6. Believe
It’s not about the logic of a situation or even the reality, but what we can will into being. Believing is the first step in making something happen, the element that allows us to overcome limitations. If you believe in yourself, everything is possible.
7. Guaranteed
When you describe something as guaranteed, people are immediately put at ease. It offers assurance that a risky decision is safe, that investing is safe–or, at worst, that there is recourse for dissatisfaction. It’s a word that offers security, and it gets you what you want, when you need it. I guarantee it.”
So please accept my indulgence as I “VERNAlize” my final thoughts around these 7 powerful words. If YOU mobilize yourself at the right time and the right place, with the right folks, YOU can only IMAGINE what YOU can accomplish. The sky is the limit because YOU BELIEVE in yourself. YOU did not need anyone to convince YOU what YOU need to do NOW. YOU did not wait; YOU acted immediately. YOU took the right steps. I GUARANTEE YOU that YOU will rise to the top because your actions followed your words! Remember always this “VERNAism“, “If it is to be, it’s left up to me!”
Photo credit: www.pininterest.com; Source: www.inc.com

PostHeaderIcon HOW TO – PRAY

By Vernalee
image
“Prayer, simply put, is conversation with God. Having said that, shouldn’t we be doing it in a way that pleases Him? We should learn how to talk with Him, and share our concerns, fears, and pleas. We should pray to God freely. The Bible says a lot about prayer, including Jesus’ words on how to pray. His model, The Lord’s Prayer is found in Matthew 6:9-13. It reads:
9 In this manner, therefore, pray:
Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name,
10 Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done.
On earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us this day our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
13 And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil.
For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.”
How powerful are those words!
Let’s further visit when, where, and why we should to pray. Here are some practical pointers.
1. Take the time to pray.
2. Find a good spot to pray.
3. Know your purpose.
4. Understand that prayer does not have to involve crafted, reflective silence.
Additionally, the act of prayer include the following:
1. Get into your prayer position if desired, but you can pray anywhere in any
manner.
2. Prepare for prayer.
3. Begin the prayer (speaking out loud, thinking, in silence, singing, etc.).
4. Make the request, ask the questions, or just make your voice heard.
5. End the prayer. Amen is an appropriate closing.
I close by ending with a parable used by Jesus.
The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector is expressed by Luke, the doctor-turned-disciple. Luke recorded a story Jesus told about two men who both prayed to God, and how they were each received by the Father. Luke 18:10-14 provides this account.
10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
“We want God to hear sincerity in our prayer, not vanity. As we pray, let’s determine to stay steadfastly humble before the Lord. Fortunately, God extends mercy to everyone who comes to Him in repentance, even those who get stuck in Churchianity, like the Pharisee. Bottom line: God is concerned with the heart of a person. So next time you go to God in prayer, ask yourself, am I humble or proud? Either way, it’s a chance to get right with Him.”
It is important for all of us to stay on bended knee.
Pray incessantly.
We can never pray enough. Never!
Happy Sunday! Blessings!
Photo credit: www.barbdahlgreen.com; Source: www.cbn.com; www.wikihow.com; The Bible.

PostHeaderIcon HOW TO – BE A GOOD FRIEND

By Vernalee
image
In 1984, hip hop group, Whodini had an amazing hit. It was called “Friends/How many of you have them?” The lyrics are quite deep. I invite you to listen. In this journey of friendships, we meet many people who we considered to be our friends; some became actual friends; some are still around; and others were fake. Time and actions will tell us who’s who. It always does. We will learn the inaccuracy of the more the friends, the merrier; it’s not the number, but the sincerity.
“Being a good friend isn’t always easy, but taking the time to nurture a lasting friendship is worth every ounce of effort. As the years pass, some people will stay by your side, but many won’t, and you’ll realize that each friendship you keep is priceless. Of course, to have a good friend, you must be one.”
My daughter always says, “Mommy, I want to have friends like yours!” Admittedly, I have a few good friends. I believe that you often attract who you are. I am blessed to have lasting friendships; many of which have been around for decades. They care; I care. I love them; they love me. We have laughed together, cried together, shared secrets that can never be told, and been there for each other. Geography may in some cases separate us, but the closeness in our souls is uncanny. Making friends and keeping them is no easy task. It’s work! We all fall short and need regular reinforcers. Just like everything else, the more we work at it, the better we become.
To be a good friend and deepen a friendship, let’s see what the experts say and examine our behavior to see how many of the following steps we take or need to take to become trust worthy, supportive, and make our friendships last. Here we go:
Being Trustworthy:
1. Keep your promises.
2. Apologize when you’ve made a mistake.
3. Be honest.
4. Don’t use people.
5. Be loyal.
6. Be respectful.
Being Supportive:
1. Be selfless.
2. Be a good listener.
3. Help your friends deal with their struggles.
4. Be there in a time of crisis.
5. Give thoughtful advice.
6. Give your friend some space when he/she needs it.
Making your friendship last:
1. Learn to forgive.
2. Accept your friend for who he/she is.
3. Go beyond.
4. Stay in touch no matter what.
5. Let your friendship evolve.
Now all of us are busy. Don’t let your friendship suffer.
Here are a few things that you can do to maintain your friendship during those busy moments.
1. Make a date. Get on their calendar.
2. Your phone is always with you. Use it religiously to call, email, and
text.
3. Go big. Double up. Make the most of your time. Get groups of friends
together.
4. Practice random acts of kindness.
5. Use Social media.
6. Be choosy about your friendships.
Since friendships take work. Add these tidbits to your list.
1. Make sure they’re okay the moment you sense something wrong. …
2. Know when to be serious and when to be goofy. …
3. Go the extra mile when they ask for help. …
4. Don’t give up on them during their darkest hours. …
5. Make them feel wanted. …
6. Tell them, “I’ve always got your back,” at least once (and mean it.)
Are you a good friend? Are you there for your friends? Do you care for them and love them? Are you respectful of them and their time? Are you envious and jealous of their accomplishments or happy and delighted that they succeed? What’s the answer? Don’t ask me! Ask your friends!
Photo credit: www.pininterest.com; Source: www.wikihow.com; www.selfstairway.com; www.fastcompany.com

PostHeaderIcon HOW TO – BLEND TWO FAMILIES AND HOPEFULLY GET ALONG

By Vernalee
imageTHE BRADY BUNCH
There are many circumstances in life that result into single parenting. Whether you were widowed, separated, or divorced, it may be highly likely that your relationship may deal with children who are not your birth ones. Most of us have been in relationships that were not like The Brady Bunch; quite the contrary. I for one have had that experience. It’s true confession time! I distinctly remember the feelings of three girls who felt that I had taken their Daddy from them. I remember the exaggerated comparisons of what toys my children had compared to what was in their toy box. Though juvenile, I was older and understood the impact of your emotionality and the ramifications thereof. What they saw was real in their eyes! I tried harder than most to bring harmony. As you grow, so do your children. Eventually, you may deal with adult children who are refereeing all of your and your partner’s moves. Try stirring in a mixing bowl – his children and yours – who have only one desire; namely each side want their parent to be happy not at the expense of the other. Until we learn and respect the balance that God established for the family, we are all off key playing our own tune, not his. He laid the foundation and set the blueprint. When we make our adjustments, it gets complicated. I know not the answers. I reside in the mixing bowl too with you. Let God lead you. His words of wisdom for Mothers, Fathers, and children are in the Word. Read it!
Today, I bring you contemporary strategies for blending families from Dr. Phil that may help. It’s a long read, but there are not always shortcuts to happiness.
Dr. Phil suggests these strategies. Here goes:
1. “Acknowledge the challenge.
All you want is for everyone in your new household to get along, right? But it’s no small feat to combine two families into one as you co-parent with a new partner (along with your old one, whom you should never sabotage). Of course it will take work to figure out how your new family unit will handle money, discipline, childcare and any other issues that you haven’t mutually agreed upon yet. It can be an uphill climb at first, but it’s doable once you have a plan.
2. Come up with a plan. When a family merges, these are some of the topics that need to be discussed:
*The role each parent will play in parenting and facilitating the development of any children.
*The division of labor concerning the kids.
*Expectations in terms of how much space there will be for the couple to do things without children.
*What kind of access grandparents and other extended family members will have.
*Long-term goals and financial planning.
3. Try stepping in your kids’ shoes.
It’s difficult to see things through someone else’s eyes if you haven’t walked in their shoes. Your children or step-children are passengers on this train; they didn’t get the opportunity to choose whether they wanted a new family member, so great care and patience should be taken to help them adapt to the situation. Talk frequently with the kids. If all of you have good intentions and a loving heart, you will work it out — but first you must communicate openly.
What Children Need Most When Their Parents Divorce:
4. Have discussions with your spouse outside of an argument.
If most of your discussions are taking place within the context of an argument, you need to stop. Agree to make time to talk calmly and rationally. This is important not only for you as you attempt to reach resolutions, but also for your children or step-children if they are within earshot. When you argue in front of children, you change who they are. For you, the fight is over when it’s over. For your children, it doesn’t end. They don’t see you make up, and they don’t participate in the healing. They go to bed at night thinking that their parents are fighting because of them.
5. Stop complaining and be specific about your needs.
Tell your partner exactly what your needs are and what you need from him. Do you need to feel more special? Do you want your kids to feel more accepted in their new home? Do you need a different division of labor? Articulate your needs and explain precisely how they can be met. Nobody can read your mind. In turn, you need to ask your partner what is needed from you.
6. Agree on discipline strategies for kids.
Don’t assume that your style of disciplining will be appropriate for your stepchildren. It’s important that you talk to your partner about the rules and punishment that existed before you joined the family. It’s unfair to change the rules on a child overnight.
7. Create a personal relationship with your stepchild(ren).
Make a commitment to developing a relationship with your stepchild that has nothing to do with your spouse. Set aside some special time in which you and the child can interact alone. You also need to stop thinking of your stepchild as “his kid” or “her kid.” Make no doubt about it: You are now a pivotal person in that child’s life too.
8. Support your spouse’s relationship with his/her child.
Don’t make your spouse choose between you and his child. Your relationship with your spouse will not suffer if he has a close relationship with a child. We all have multiple “accounts” from which we draw our love. There’s a child account that has an infinite amount of love in it, and there’s a completely different account that you draw from for your spouse. In other words, loving and nurturing your child in no way decreases the balance in the account for your spouse because they’re two completely separate deals. With that in mind, ask your partner how you can help him nurture his relationship with a child; becoming his number one support system in building and maintaining it.
9. Form an alliance with your former spouse.
You and your former spouse have not ended your relationship; instead, you have changed it from an intimate, emotional affiliation to a relationship that’s held together by common goals for your children. Joining with your ex, unselfishly putting hurt feelings aside and leaving behind the pain of betrayal or a dysfunctional history are tremendous gifts to your children. To be cold, sabotaging, hurtful or exclusionary with your former spouse is, in some sense, to do the same for your children.”
There you have it! If you have any questions about these strategies, don’t ask me; ask Dr. Phil.
Photo credit: www.synderlawpc.com; Source: The Bible;www.huffingtinpost.com/Dr. Phil

PostHeaderIcon HOW TO – MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

By Vernalee
image
If someone can discover the magic formula that will keep people out of other folks’ business, they would be extremely wealthy instantly. Why people cannot stay in their own lane is an aged old question. Finding the answer is just as ancient.
It is enough work to stay on top of your issues and business without stretching yourself to wander into others. Who has the time?
To help in the journey of minding your own business and not that of others, let’s turn again to the experts. Take a look.
How to mind your business:
“1. Try not to butt in. Some people could care less about what you’re doing or talking about. But others can’t help it. They butt in on everything; it’s natural. Work on it.
2. Ask yourself why you are butting in. Before you go interrupt someone, ask yourself: “Does this concern me?” Let the answer guide you.
3. Walk away instead of butting in. If you figure out that it doesn’t concern you at all, then walk away.
4. Become oblivious and disinterested. Your aim is to mind your business and not be judged for being unapproachable. Be cheerful and happy for others. If you feel the need to find out what they are doing, think about it first. Think before you speak.
5. If you do overhear something of note between two people, or a group of people, but the topic does not concern you or affect you in any way, then let the matter stay between the people it concerns.
6. Gauge their reaction. In order to be not misunderstood as a desperate intruder, keep to your communications limited to your business and involve yourself when invited or asked to.
7. Respect other peoples privacy.
If you are not included then it suggests that they feel better without you.
Try to figure out what is it that you do that makes others very uncomfortable about you.”
If none of that worked, help is on the way. Try these personalized
7 tips for minding my own business.
If you are still bordering the fence on whether to butt in or stay out, these tips may help if you are honest with yourself.
1. No one asked for my advice.
2. I don’t know the whole story.
3. It doesn’t affect me.
4. It’s a Secret of Adulthood: Just because something makes me happy
doesn’t mean that it will make someone else happy, and vice versa.
5. Don’t gossip.
6. I’m on someone else’s turf.
7. Find explanations in charity. Stop poking around.”
So, in conclusion, how do you learn how (and when) to mind your own business?
Ask yourself these three questions:
1. Is this my business?
2. Is this someone else’s business?
3. Is this God’s (or higher power, or universe, whatever feels comfortable) business?”
To mind or not to mind your own business is the question. No one can answer or do that but you! I dare you to try!
Photo credit: www.michaelspencer.wordpress.com; Sources: www.wikihow.com; www.gretchenrubin.com; your tango.com

PostHeaderIcon HOW TO – GET ALONG WITH YOUR ADULT CHILDREN

By Vernalee
how_to_be_a_role_model_for_your_adult_children_99914763
Continuing the “How To” series is a topic that has a thin line of judgment. As parents, our children are always our .babies. But babies grow up and our treatment has to be reflective of their maturity. Our interference should not be offensive to their intelligence. We train our children to become responsible adults. So we have to let them exercise that obligation. So if you are wondering … I am not a helicopter Mother who zooms around the territories of my two adult children. Look at them! Oh my I cannot believe how much they have they grown!
Alright, it’s difficult to keep our nose out of their affairs, but it becomes easier when we think about the fact that we didn’t and don’t want our parents meddling in our business. We need not micro manage our children. We need to know our boundaries and respect their privacy. In other words, we need to mind our own business and respectfully stay out of theirs. Said differently … get a life! I swear! I have so much going on in my life, I really don’t have time for their trivia. Once you let them manage their lives, you have so much more time to do your own thing. The less you know; the less the stress; most likely the more cash too.
Now let’s take a look at what the experts say.
There are 5 strategies that can be used to nurture your adult children who are in their 20’s and beyond.
1. Observe respectful boundaries.
2. Listen more than you talk.
3. Do what you love together and the rest will follow. Activities together won’t hurt.
4. Set ground rules for how to disagree.
5. Make room for the significant other folks in their lives.
Recommendations that will assist you in getting along with your adult children:
1. “Be Flexible. Parents need to realize that their way is not the only way. They need to be open to new ideas and willing to learn from their adult children.
2. Be Fun to be around. If parents can laugh, use some humor and avoid saying “No” to everything. Create an enjoyable atmosphere.
3. Be Considerate, Empathic and Understanding. See the issue from the adult child’s point of view. They may be going through their own struggles and especially need a parent’s love and support.
4. Be Patient and Listen. If parents would actually take time to hear the verbal and non-verbal words of their children, they would draw closer to them.
5. Be Affirming and Not Critical. Praise draws, criticism repels. Parents often give out more criticism than they give out affirmation. Everyone knows that as human beings we love to be around people who appreciate us. Jesus set an example when He looked for the best in people. Affirmation draws us close in relationships.
6. Be Willing to Communicate but Don’t Push it. It’s all about timing and when their time is right, it should be the parent’s prime time to listen and relate.
7. Be Loving and Show Affection. Put your arm around them; a gentle touch; a pat on the shoulder; a hug; and often saying the words, “I love you.” But more importantly, adult children need to see that their parents are in-love with each other. Role modeling affection sets an example for their kid’s marriage.
8. Be Willing to Say “I’m Sorry, I was Wrong.” Some parents think because they are the parent that they are always in the right but when an adult child hears those words in an honest way, they will respond in love. It’s just as valuable to be a forgiving parent and over-look small inadequacies and personality temperaments, rather than making an emotional scene about these differences.
9. Be spiritual. They can preach and talk about it all they want but the loudest example is how the parent lives.”
10. Be a role model. You cannot say do as I say; not as I do.
In summary, parenting is experimental. We learn as we grow. We become wiser. Laying a foundation of solid principles will be something that our children can grasp as they age. Yes, children move from our laps to our hearts. They leave our homes hopefully, but they never leave our hearts.
Photo credit: www.nextavenue.org; Source: www.aarp.com; www.answersforme.org

PostHeaderIcon HOW TO – BREAKUP UP WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND

By Vernalee

Love is for certain the most sought after emotion. It makes us feel heavenly. However, sometimes things are not what they appear. Sometimes, the person that we once thought that the sun rose and set upon turns out to be a nightmare particularly when errors in his ways create hurt and damage that are hard to overcome. By no means am I endorsing or promoting walking away. This is not painting a pessimistic view, but a realistic one when trouble arrives. If your relationship cannot be salvaged, an unfortunate end may be the only recourse. Thus, we ask a few pertinent questions. What happens when love doesn’t work out? What happens when our emotional health and well being dictate that we end what once made us feel great? When and if a breakup is the only way out, it should be done with dignity and respect. Fairness and thoughtfulness for your mate’s feelings are critical. Breakups are tough. We never want to hurt the other person’s feeling even if they have hurt ours. If a breakup is necessary, let’s turn to the experts to see how to respectfully, compassionately, and may I add lovingly tell our mate that it is over.
As we continue our “How To” series, let’s examine what our experts say about breakups. Here we go.
How to Break Up:
1. Think over what you want and why you want it. Take time to consider your feelings and the reasons for your decision. …
2. Think about what you’ll say and how the other person might react. …
3. Have good intentions. …
4. Be honest — but not brutal. …
5. Say it in person. …
6. If it helps, confide in someone you trust.
Additional thoughts to the breakup process include:
1. Make sure that you are 100% positive that you want to break up with him.
2. Don’t ask for a break. It is the same as breaking up, but with a time variance.
3. Choose an appropriate time and place to break up with him.
4. Break up with him in person.
5. Be honest.
6. Give him space.
So if our relationship does come to an end and if our once Knight in Shining Armor was the wrong match for us, we can walk away knowing that at least our breakup tactics were right!
Photo credit: You Tube: Ashlee Brown; Sources: www.wikihow.com; www.kidshealth.org

PostHeaderIcon HOW TO – STAY IN LOVE

By Vernalee
image
Being in love, loving someone and being loved back are incredible emotions and feelings that we all desire. Hearing the three words, “I love you” can lift you up, send chills down your spine, make you feel brand you, among other feelings; some of which are indescribable. The words and their accompaniments have medicinal effects. To love and be loved require attention and meticulous care. Sometimes, we win; sometimes we lose. The ideal is to find that right balance alongside the right words, behaviors, and actions.
Based upon feedback from my followers, the “Stuff We Talk About” daily blog is introducing a new feature called the “How To’s”. No one knows how to do it all. Neither do we have all the right answers. In this new “How To” series, we will bring to you the opinions and findings from the experts who will share their expertise on related matters. To start this series, our first post deals with the greatest emotion of all – love.
Love is not hard. Staying in love and doing what the essence of love requires have its challenges.
Several experts tell us how to stay in love with each other. Let’s take a look.
Opinion #1 – How to Stay in Love:
1. Listen.
2. Value each other.
3. Forgive.
4. Laugh together.
5. Be kind.
6. Flirt (with each other through words and actions).
7. Protect.
Opinion #2 – How to Stay in Love:
“Relationships don’t coast by on autopilot. They need active effort to keep the love alive. Here are six secrets to stay in love forever:
1. “Us” Time: You may spend lots of time with each other but is it quality time? Whether it’s a weekly date night, a few overnights, or an extended vacation, make sure that you have time where you can focus exclusively on each other.
2. Connect throughout the day: Do you remember when you first met? You may have been so excited to see each other that you used every spare moment to call each other even when you were apart. It’s worth revisiting some of your old practices that you engaged in when your love for each other seemed all encompassing. Make an effort to connect with each other throughout the day. Send a short text message or email to let your significant other/spouse know that you’re thinking about him/her. These regular connections during the day will keep the positive feelings flowing and make your time together that much more meaningful.
3. Give Appreciations: It’s so easy to notice the flaws and take the virtues for granted. We need to throw out this recipe for resentment. Instead make it a habit to express gratitude and overlook their faults. Daily appreciations will help you not lose sight of all the good your mate does for you. You’ll also get in the habit of focusing on the positive and your mate will feel loved. Make a few minutes a day to include appreciations in your routine. Sit down and look into each other’s eyes and share what you appreciate about what your mate did for you today or a quality that he/she possesses.
4. Try new things: Don’t let your relationship get stale. Try new things together. When you were dating you may have done new activities together. How exciting is your relationship? Experiment. Take something new together and you’ll see how it will liven up your relationship. Even if you don’t have the same interests, you can still have fun together.
5. Make your mate laugh: Laughing can create the same chemical bond as intimacy. Couples can get bogged down in the heaviness and stress of life. Negativity can permeate the atmosphere and ruin all attempts to connect, even on a nice vacation. Infusing laughter into your relationship can cut through the stress faster than anything else.
6. Praise your mate’s physical appearance: While this may be more important to women than men, it is a nice gesture to positively comment on appearance. As we age and begin to feel self-conscious about our looks, it’s really helpful to know that you still find each other attractive.”
Opinion # 3 – How to Stay in Love:
Five Choices to help you stay in love:
1. Learn to love yourself.
2. Take it slow.
3. Ask in-depth questions
4. Don’t shy away from conflict.
5. Appreciation rather than judgment.
There you have it. The experts have given us solid advice. They have spoken! We just need to follow the roadmap!
Photo credit: ww.quote alley.com. Source: www.eharmony.com; www.aish.com; www.huffingtonpost.com

Receive our Blog in your Inbox

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Stuff We Talk About on Twitter