Archive for January, 2017

PostHeaderIcon GIRL TALK: WHEN A RELATIONSHIP LACKS INTIMACY

By Vernalee
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As the Girl Talk series continue, the questions from my followers keep coming. Check out this one.
Dear SWTA Staff,
I am in an interesting and unique situation. I have been dating this guy for about a decade. Usually, you hear about women who are reserved about sex. I am in a relationship where my boyfriend does not want to have sex. Never! He avoids any hint of intimacy. There is no physical contact – not even holding hands. Peculiar, right? Yes, I am celibate; not by my choice. I am not knocking abstinence. It has its place. I am too much of a lady to rat him out or cheat. The thoughts have entered my mind. I as other women want to be held. I want the gentleness of a man’s touch; not his avoidance. What shall I do?
I am lost in oblivion. Help!
Susan
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Dear Susan,
I am speechless, but I admire your candor and your admittance that there is a problem, because apparently there is. Unfortunately, our society equates masculinity to a man’s sex drive and abilities. Allow me to offer a few suggestions. Although it is a difficult subject, talk to your mate. Try to determine what the reasons for his abstinence are. A number of questions abound. Was he once intimate? Does he want to engage in sex, but cannot? Did something negative happen in his past that affects him today? Perhaps, it is a medical problem; impotence or erectile dysfunction. It could be physical or emotional. See what he wants to do about it . Approach it as a couple. The problem may be bigger than the two of you! Accompany him to a medical professional if he permits. If he is willing to participate, the two of you may need to seek professional counseling. Find a therapist where he and you will be comfortable. If he loves you, he will be willing to do something about this abnormality. Involve him in the process and the solution. A person can only fool himself and others for so long. Don’t be surprised if others don’t know or suspect something based upon observations. There are many telltale signs that may denote sexual deficiencies. Reality often turn the corner and enters the picture. Nowadays, there is a lot on the market to deal with problems as these. He probably avoids physical contact (holding hands, hugging, or any forms of touch) so that he is not forced to not facilitate any level of sexual arousal. Thus, staying away from these measures protects his inabilities to participate. He doesn’t realize that he is heightening what he thinks he is concealing. He too is selfishly relegating your feelings to the back burner. Much can be done. Viagra, Cialis, or noninvasive measures as the pump are available. See what works for the two of you. There are so many other forms of sexual intimacy. Experiment! His denial of his problem and your silent acquiescence will not solve the problem. The mental and physical realities will eventually collide. It is highly likely that he cares about you and him; and the effect upon your future relationship. This may propel him to act. What he does or fail to do will reveal the true him. It will also show how much he values your feelings and the relationship. Doesn’t he realize that there are two of you dealing with this issue. Not one!
On another note, if I may add, a decade is a long period to date with no purpose. Where is all of this going? Great question! I’m “Just saying!”
Please note this column is for entertainment purposes and should not be used for professional advice. Consult a professional therapist if needed.
Photo credit: www.cosmospolitan.com

PostHeaderIcon DON’T BE SHOCKED IF I ASK MY ADULT CHILD TO MOVE

By Vernalee
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Letters from my followers continue to flow.
Here’s another one.
Dear SWTA Staff,
Please don’t be shocked because of my question. It may sound as if there is not a maternal bone flowing through my body. My children regard me as a great parent; a considerate and loving Mother.
I just wanted to express a concern; to get this monkey off my back. I trust that you don’t think ill of me once I share my issue. I am a widower and I have four adult children ranging in age from 24 to 34. We share a great respectful relationship. One of my daughters decided that she wanted to move back home two years ago. She wanted to save to purchase a home. Great move! I agreed; no problem. The two years are up; her bank account is pitifully low; and I want my house back! It not a question about space because our home is large; it’s a matter of privacy. I am 58 and have met an interesting and potential suitor. I want to enjoy life! My daughter is now cramping my lifestyle. In fact, I don’t believe that she has any intentions of moving. Why? Free rent, cooked meals, and laundry/maid services are great incentives to stay. Don’t you agree? Since she is my daughter that I love dearly, certainly she has not overstayed her welcome. That’s impossible, our family home will always be “home sweet home,” but I do want my television remote control back! What shall I do? Before you answer, I know that I made my own bed with this one. Am I being unreasonably selfish to ask her to pack her bags since she is extravagantly living, not saving as intended, and blocking my date nights? Or am I doing the best thing for her to achieve independence in that she may thank me later for my tough love today?
Sue in Texas
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Hi Sue in Texas,
That’s a hard question for me because I am so closely attached to my children. I am however glad that they moved out (Yippee!) many, many moons ago, because they thought at one point that they could boss me around. Go figure! As parents, we provide foundations for our children to enter the world and become productive self sufficient adults. Our homes should be family homes for them to return to live as needed. It’s a safe haven. From your explanation, your daughter has forfeited the arrangement for which she moved back home to achieve. Why don’t you sit down and have a sensible chat with her? Help her to reinstitute her saving initiative (with her funds, of course); establish a living arrangement plan with a proposed exit date; and confirm your commitment to help her including a move out plan and new home search. In other words, the Eagle never learns to fly until he/she leaves the nest. Those are my thoughts. To add a professional spin, I did reach out to a couple of experts and here is what they said you should consider.
1. Rules – Establish rules for your adult children so that everyone can be respected. Enforce them for compliance. Make sure that expectations are clear.
2. Contributions – Contributions should be made by your adult child toward the household expenses. You can call it rent or a fee.
3. Definitions – You are family, not roommates.
4. Roles – Be a consultant not a manager.
5. Attitude – Don’t blame or shame.
6. Action – Let go.
Finally Sue, stay in touch. Let me know if this advice helps. And of course, keep us informed about your new beau. If it works for holy matrimony, are you moving in on his turf or are the two of you buying a new castle?
Disclaimer: Please note this column is for entertainment purposes and should not be used for professional advice. Consult a professional therapist if needed.
Photo credit: www.scarymommy.com; Source: www.empoweringparents.com; www. scary mommy.com

PostHeaderIcon A PRIORITY? AN OPTION? WHICH ARE YOU?

By Vernalee
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Are you a priority or an option?
The late great Maya Angelou gave us lasting wise advice. “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”
Priority is defined as being regarded as more important than another;
the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important;
the right to take precedence or to proceed before others.
Option is defined as the opportunity or ability to choose something or to choose between two or more things; something that can be chosen: a choice or possibility.
By definition, it goes without asking. Would you rather be regarded as highly important or a mere possibility?
Do you want to be relegated to the back of the line in terms of what’s important to the person that you have made highly important?
Maybe the play on words here are tongue twisters, but they are accurate statements of facts.
It doesn’t add up – mathematically, logically, or realistically.
Simply stated, it is not wise to make someone first in your life when you are just a number in theirs!
Let’s take it a step further.
Granted you’re not first, but thinking that you are in second place may be just your optimism.
In fact, you don’t know where you stand!
Truthfully, when you rank behind everything else; when they get to you whenever, wherever, with whatever, don’t fool yourself. You are an option!
If someone isn’t obviously going out of their way to position you to be a priority, it may not mean that they don’t care. It does mean that they don’t care enough to make you as a priority.
Don’t be a loser!
You cannot reasonably elevate yourself (or vacate) if you refuse to acknowledge where you are.
Realism can be hard on the eyes, but it is a sight that you must see and acknowledge!
Take heed.
Read the signs.
Believe what your eyes behold; it is more than a scintilla of evidence.
Actions speak louder than words. Don’t lie in a state of disregarded oblivion.
Being anything but first is losing! If you are not first, you are in second place or beyond.
Play to win.
Position yourself to be in a state of comfort mentally, physically, spiritually … and in all ways.
Prioritize your priorities!
Photo credit: www.azquotes.com

PostHeaderIcon THANK YOU DR. KING FOR YOUR DREAM

By Vernalee
On this day as we honor Dr. Martin Luther King, I reflect. Although as a people, we have made progress, there is so much more work to do as we live in a world where noted prejudices, particularly on color and race remain vibrant. We must continue our strides to respect people as God created all mankind to be equal. Today, on the only national holiday that honors a Black man, let’s stroll back in history to 1963. Let’s hear his dream!
Before an audience of over 250, 000 people from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King delivered his famous “I have a dream” speech which was unequivocally one of the most defining moments of the Civil Rights Movement. Thank you Dr. King for opening the doors for me and others! We have to “keep on a walking, keep on a talking, marching up to freedom land!”
“I-have-a-dream-speech”-by-Martin-Luther-King-Jr
“So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire; let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York; let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania; let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado; let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California. But not only that. Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia; let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee; let freedom ring from every hill and mole hill of Mississippi. “From every mountainside, let freedom ring.”
And when this happens, and when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: “Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last.”
Photo reprint: www.teachingamericanhistory.org (Excerpts from Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech, August 28, 1963, March on Washington). “WE SHALL OVERCOME ONE DAY!”
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Though lengthy, the below information provides some interesting and historical facts about Dr. King’s “I Have a Dream” speech.

Official program
Marian Anderson was scheduled to lead the National Anthem but was unable to arrive on time; Camilla Williams performed in her place. Following an invocation by Archbishop Patrick O’Boyle, the opening remarks were given by march director A. Philip Randolph, followed by Eugene Carson Blake. A tribute to “Negro Women Fighters for Freedom” was then led by Bayard Rustin, at which Daisy Bates spoke briefly in place of Myrlie Evers, who had missed her flight. The tribute introduced Daisy Bates, Diane Nash, Prince E. Lee, Rosa Parks, and Gloria Richardson. The following speakers were SNCC chairman John Lewis, labor leader Walter Reuther and CORE chairman Floyd McKissick(substituting for arrested CORE director James Farmer). The Eva Jessye Choir then sang, and Rabbi Uri Miller (president of the Synagogue Council of America) offered a prayer, followed by National Urban League director Whitney Young, NCCIJ director Mathew Ahmann, and NAACP leader Roy Wilkins. After a performance by singer Mahalia Jackson, American Jewish Congress president Joachim Prinz spoke, followed by SCLC president Martin Luther King, Jr. Rustin then read the march’s official demands for the crowd’s approval, and Randolph led the crowd in a pledge to continue working for the march’s goals. The program was closed with a benediction by Morehouse College president Benjamin Mays.

The focus on “I have a dream” comes through the speech’s delivery. Toward the end of its delivery, noted African American gospel singer Mahalia Jackson shouted to King from the crowd, “Tell them about the dream, Martin.”[ King stopped delivering his prepared speech, and started “preaching”, punctuating his points with “I have a dream.”

Singers
Gospel legend Mahalia Jackson sang “How I Got Over”, and Marian Anderson sang “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”. Joan Baez led the crowds in several verses of “We Shall Overcome” and “Oh Freedom”. Musician Bob Dylan performed “When the Ship Comes In”, for which he was joined by Baez. Dylan also performed “Only a Pawn in Their Game.”Peter, Paul and Mary sang “If I Had a Hammer” and Dylan’s “Blowin’ in the Wind”. Odetta sang “I’m On My Way.”

Facts:
The event was officially titled the “March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom.”

Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his famous “I Have a Dream” speech at the Lincoln Memorial.

The march was organized by the “Big Six” leaders of the civil rights movement: A. Philip Randolph, Whitney M. Young, Jr., Martin Luther King, Jr., James Farmer, Roy Wilkins, and John Lewis. Bayard Rustin was chief organizer of the march.

Between 200,000 and 250,000 Americans, mostly African-Americans, but including thousands of whites, held the march in order to focus attention on blacks’ demands for immediate equality in jobs and civil rights.

The marchers were entertained by celebrities, including Ossie Davis, Joan Baez, Bobby Darin, Odetta, Bob Dylan, Peter, Paul and Mary, and Jackie Robinson. Other celebrities who were present included actors Marlon Brando, Charlton Heston, Harry Belafonte,Burt Lancaster, Paul Newman, Diahann Carroll, Lena Horne, Sidney Poitier, Sammy Davis, Jr., and writer James Baldwin.

Law enforcement included 5,000 police, National Guardsmen and Army reservists. No marchers were arrested and no incidents concerning marchers were reported.

Ten leaders of the civil rights march met with President John F. Kennedy, Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson, Labor Secretary W. Willard Wirtz, and Burke Marshall, head of the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division, in the cabinet room of the White House during the demonstration.

The leaders were:
-A. Philip Randolph, director of the march
-Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference
-Roy Wilkins, executive secretary of the NAACP
-Whitney M. Young Jr., executive director of the National Urban League
-Walter P. Reuther, president of the AFL-CIO United Automobile Workers
-Reverend Eugene Carson Blake, Stated Clerk of the United Presbyterian Church in U.S.A. and a representative of the National Council of Churches
-Rabbi Joachim Prinz, chairman of the American Jewish Congress
-John Lewis, chairman of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee
-Matthew Ahmann, executive director of the National Catholic Conference for Interracial Justice
-Floyd B. McKissick, national chairman of the Congress of Racial Equality (CORE).

Original copy of the speech
As King waved goodbye to the audience, he handed George Raveling the original typewritten “I Have a Dream” speech. Raveling, an all-American basketball player from Villanova, had volunteered as a security guard for the event and was on the podium with King at that moment. Raveling still has custody of the original copy and has been offered as high as $3,000,000 for it, but claims to have no intention of selling it, with plans on leaving it to his children instead.
Source: www.en.m.wikipedia.org; www.cnn.com

PostHeaderIcon LET’S HAVE CHURCH MISSISSIPPI STYLE

By Vernalee
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We know that the Bible tells us to not forsake the gathering of ourselves. That we should do! Sometimes, for a number of circumstances or misfortunes, we cannot make it to the church house. So let’s bring church to those who are in the hospital rooms or whose legs won’t carry them. Technology can transport you anywhere – instantly. Last Sunday, as I sat by my Mother’s hospital bed, I took her to church using my iPad. We listened to sermons and her favorite gospel songs. Mother even asked me to play a song or two by my favorite, Aretha Franklin. With Aretha singing “Precious Lord,” Mahalia Jackson singing “Troubles of the World,” and The Williams Brothers singing “Cooling Waters,” it was as if she and I were visually worshipping in Glen Allan, Mississippi. I invite you to travel with us this Sunday! You will see a number of churches along the way.
As we travel, allow me to share with you some history. Our churches have not only been the foundation of our spirituality, they have served as the building blocks of our freedom. From the days of slavery, our church was the only place where we could be free; the only place where we could lift our voices without fear. Our churches, many worn, some in disrepair have seen a lot. They have served as school houses; some served as Head Start centers; some were meeting places to plan civil rights strategies; some were burned down to the ground by the vigilante KKK. But no matter what role they have served, we as a people refused to let the only thing that we owned be taken away from us. Continued has been our worshipping chants whose sounds of voice and praise traveled inside out from the wood burning chimneys to the dirt covered streets. Nothing beats the sounds of the chanting rhythmic preachers like Glen Allan’s own Rev. Dorsey or the singing pastors like Rev. Addison or Rev. Gibbs whose voice are so rich that they could sing acapella to the pleasurable delight of their worshippers. When the swaying choir sings “There will be a brighter day ahead” with pianists like Mary Davis, Minnie Boxdale, or Darryl Kingdom tinkling the piano keys that need tuning but their playing is so aficionado that you notice not the difference; instead, your soul is filled with the Holy Ghost! Let me not forget those praying deacons like Ed Duffin and Clifton Lewis.
So as I played gospels on You Tube, my Mother reminiscenced about service at her church, Stranger’s Home. Amazingly, she was somewhat placed there emotionally. It was just a typical Sunday service where the Mothers of the church dressed in pure snow white encouraged you and held your hand; where the members prayed with you and for you; where all of God’s children are free to worship the Lord! Oh what a mighty God we serve! Let the church say amen!
Happy Sunday! Blessings!
Photo credit: www.folklife.si.edu

PostHeaderIcon BEING THERE FOR THOSE YOU LOVE

By Vernalee
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Recently, I heard a pastor say that “the riches in life are not found in money or possessions, but in relationships!” Perhaps to those who revere their bank accounts, real estate holdings, and stocks / bonds, a statement of this magnitude would hit them like a ton of bricks. Truly, it is our relationship with God foremost and our loved ones that bring us riches! Being there for people in their time of need is one of the greatest gifts that you can give. Don’t ignore them when you can help them. They may not know of your resources, but God does! When you give of your time and resources, you will receive back more than you gave.
Be blessed in your relationships!
Be blessed in your life!
Photo credit: www.patheos.com

PostHeaderIcon SOMETIMES, YOU JUST HAVE TO TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORN

By Vernalee
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Sometimes, in life, you have to deal with a difficult situation by facing it head on. You can’t just keep thinking about it; contemplating moves; you have to eventually confront it! In other words, you have to “take the bull by the horn.” It takes courage as bulls are not necessarily friendly animals. Their appearance is intimidating. Their horns are protrusive – long and wide.
Recounting from a first hand experience while driving a red car near a levy in Issaquena County, Mississippi, my crew and I feared the Bulls would attack us because of the car’s color only to find out that Bulls are color blind. They can’t discern color. Nevertheless, we were not getting out of the car to pet them. Smart thinking, right?
Problems are no different. We may not react because of what we think may happen; because of our fears. Resistance is normal.
Yet, to move ahead, we must deal with our “bull of a problem.” We may have to wrestle with it. We may even get slapped around a couple times or two. Nothing happens unless we step in the ring!
If we have the determination and a winning attitude, we can conquer if we persevere and stay in the game. Don’t run away!
There are so many lessons that you can learn and pass along to your children and loved ones; if no more than to prevent them from stepping into the same traps! A winning attitude and spirit will take you far.
Therefore, deal with it, learn from your experiences, and enrich your life. Don’t let a problem be a stumbling block that prevent you from realizing your highest potential.
Although you may not be a professional matador, there are times that you must “take the bull by the horn;” you can even wear red if you like! Just do it! Progress; move forward! Others, particularly your children and loved ones are watching. Don’t punk out in front of them; they are your biggest cheerleaders. Ole!
Photo credit: www.psychologytoday.com

PostHeaderIcon LIFE AIN’T BEEN NO CRYSTAL STAIRS

By Vernalee
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Hidden from the public eye and neatly taped inside the doors of my kitchen cabinets are many handwritten messages and miniature slogans of significance. They are the cutest things.
Open the cabinet to get a glass and you see this message, “When there is nobody left but Jesus, then he is all you need.” How true!
Tucked inside the condiment cabinet door are touching notes of love to me from my son and daughter respectively. How cute! Many of the messages contain motivating thoughts of encouragement; others are memorable and funny notes from my now adult children that they wrote years ago as youngsters.
The notes, a quasi walk down memory lane are refreshing. One such note that stops me in my tracks from time to time is a poem called “Mother to Son” by the incomparable journalistic genius Langston Hughes.
That poem helped me through a rough emotional period. Today, it motivates me to keep going, to keep climbing, to preservere. Because of my faith, I know that God places people and things in your life at the right time. This poem was one.
From time to time, I recite the words of Langston to myself and speak them to my children as my Mother in her special encouraging way spoke them to me.
So as I share Langston’s greatness with you my audience, I encourage you to rely on the Lord. He will bring you through, lift you, and carry you. God will remove obstacles from your path. He will make your road easier to navigate and travel.
Stop worrying about how big your problems are. Focus on how big your God is!
All we do; all we are – comes from God’s hands, his mercy, and his grace.
Langston’s poetic rhythmic strokes of the pen and words did!
Mother to Son
Well, son, I’ll tell you:
Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
It’s had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor —
Bare.
But all the time
I’se been a-climbin’ on,
And reachin’ landin’s,
And turnin’ corners,
And sometimes goin’ in the dark
Where there ain’t been no light.
So boy, don’t you turn back.
Don’t you set down on the steps
‘Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.
Don’t you fall now —
For I’se still goin’, honey,
I’se still climbin’,
And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.”


We can do all things through the Lord who strengthens us!
Keep the faith!
Photo credit: www.madamesabi.wordpress.com

PostHeaderIcon ADVICE TO YOUR YOUNGER SELF

By Vernaleeimage
With age comes wisdom. Hindsight gives us 20/20 vision. When we reflect upon our past, there are so many things that we would have done differently. Right? Unfortunately, we cannot turn back the hands on the clock. We can however, learn from our mistakes and not make them over and over again. We can give advice so that others don’t make the same mistakes that we did. Whether they listen, well that’s another thing. Reflecting back, we didn’t always listen either. We lived out the axiom, “Learnt sense is better than bought sense.” Some of the lessons that we learned were paid at a hefty price! Remember?
So if you had to give advice to your younger self, what would you say?
Here’s what Oprah said in O Magazine in May 2012 that she would have written to her 19 year old ” brown skinned” self.
“You’ve spent too many days and years trying to please others and be what they wanted you to be,” she writes. “You will have to learn that the wounds of your past — rape, molestation, whippings for ‘stepping out of place,’ and not being allowed to show anger or cry afterward — damaged your self-esteem,” she says. “Even then you understood that success was a process and that moving with the flow of life and not against it would be your greatest achievement,” she says.
Actress Octavia Spencer writes, “As you make your way along life’s tumultuous highways, it’s important to note that you should always carry a map, have plenty of fuel in the tank, and take frequent rest stops.”
CEO Nelson Wang has one simple piece of advice to his younger self:
“Enjoy the moment.
You never know when this wonderful journey called life will come to an end and it’s important to remember that every single day is a blessing.
All too often we get caught up in the journey. The chase. The work.
Just remember to take a moment to breathe. To reflect. To enjoy. You’ll be much happier.”
Great advice so far! Agreed?
If you want to stop now, that’s fine. If you wish to keep reading and have the time, allow me to share 20 more points. Be my guest. Here goes.
20 things to have told your younger self…
“1. That ex-boyfriend of yours who always wanted you to dress up, wear heels, and look sexy for him all the time, isn’t and never will be “the one”. Your future husband will think you look sexy in sweats and encourage you to be the realest version of yourself you’ve ever been.
2. The people who tell you your dreams are crazy and you should get a real job will still be stuck in the same place they are 10 years from now. You don’t have to be, so keep pursuing your dreams and never give up.
3. Your true friends are the ones who are there for you, who listen to you and who support you in healing, but don’t enable you to play the victim in your own life. True friends will empower you to grow.
4. Giving your power away never ends well. In the moment, taking responsibility might seem like the most painful route, but trust me when I say that taking ownership over the choices you make in life will save you from a lot of healing work in the future.
5. If making-out and sex are the only activities you get up to with the guy you have a crush on, he’s not going to make you his girlfriend. Guys who are in it for more than just physical interaction will call to ask how your day was, take you for walks, and introduce you to their friends. Don’t convince yourself that you can trade sex for love, it never works that way.
6. Your brain doesn’t fully develop until the age of 24. You’re going to make mistakes, a lot of them. Consider the possibility though, that your mistakes are actually lessons.
7. When you are lashing out at someone you love, it’s actually because you’re hurting a lot inside and you have something you want to say but don’t have the courage. Say it anyway. Be clear about what you want, what you don’t want, and what you need. People will respect you more, and you’ll be a whole lot happier too.
8. You are not invincible. Sleep at least 7 hours a night, drink water instead of booze at a party, and skip the drive-thru. Drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes or pulling all nighters every weekend will eventually catch up to you. It might not happen until your 30’s or 40’s, but healing is always more challenging than prevention. Take care of yourself while you’re young and spare yourself the trouble.
9. Don’t give up on your talents and hobbies. If you love sports, playing music, or writing, keep doing it. If you ask most adults who gave up, they’ll tell you how much they wish they would have continued on with their piano lessons, or followed their hearts and pursued their athletic career.
10. Failing is winning. This might sound funny to you now, but believe me when I tell you that all of your failures are laying out a path for you to succeed big-time. It’s better to fail before you make it, than to fail when you’ve already made it and lose everything due to lack of experience. And even if you do lose everything, you can make it all back and then some. Life is full of surprises, so buckle up and enjoy the ride.
11. Be consistent. Being flaky doesn’t just impact your relationships, it impacts your self-esteem and anxiety levels. When you say you’re going to do something or be somewhere, follow through. This also ensures you think twice before committing to something that doesn’t actually inspire you.
12. Practice saying “no” in the mirror. There will be times where you’ll have to tell someone “no” and it will scare you, but you have to set boundaries for others or you’ll end up feeling used.
13. It’s no one else’s fault when you’re not happy. Sure, there may be people in your life who don’t belong there, but it’s up to you get rid of the people who bring you down, call you names or make fun of you for dreaming big.
14. Never take nutrition or dating advice from the wrong magazines. If you really want to be healthy or have a good relationship, read books, rely upon proven/legitimate sources, and listen to your intuition.
15. Your intuition is almost always right. If your gut tells you the new guy is bad news, walk away. As you get older, you’ll come to trust that your gut is your most trusted advisor.
16. Sometimes your mom is actually right. It may be virtually impossible to convince you to take the advice your mom gave you over dinner one night, but chances are she learned the hard way. Learning your own lessons is very important, but feel free to skip and move ahead once in a while by learning from people who have “been there, done that”.
17. Don’t rush to grow up. One day, you’re going to be married, have kids, or comment on how your cat is so lucky that they don’t have any responsibility. Just enjoy this time you have to be young, and hopefully care-free.
18. Save your money and never put all of it into a joint bank account with a boyfriend. Make sure you take care of yourself first and have a nest egg set aside just in case there’s an emergency, or change of heart.
19. Your natural hair color is and always will be the prettiest. You were made perfect exactly how you are. It’s ok to experiment, just remember that changing the way you look can never change who you are inside, and that is what matters most.
20. Everything is going to be ok. You’re going to lose people, get your heart-broken, feel alone, and totally depressed. Nothing is ever permanent, so next time you’re wrapped up in thoughts of how awful everything is – visualize the way you want things to be instead. Eventually, the tide will turn and life will be more amazing than you ever thought possible.”
So, if you made it this far, thank you for continuing. Now then, if you could turn back the clock and give advice to your younger self, what would it be?
Photo source: O Magazine courtesy of Huffington Post; Source: www.huffintonpost.com; www.quora.com; www.youngandraw.com

PostHeaderIcon DON’T AIR YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY IN PUBLIC

By Vernalee
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Discretion should be the guide that determines what we expose. Guarding what we choose to reveal and what we keep confidential is pivotal to determining outcomes. Without question, it is a known fact that our small tongue can cause monumental problems when the wrong thing is said to the wrong person at the wrong time.
Said differently, it can be dangerous to air our dirty laundry in public. Why hang your “dirt” out for everybody to see?
To air your dirty laundry means to openly talk about things (usually a problem or dispute) that should be kept private. Discussing and revealing private issues amongst others that are not involved is unwise. “Your dirty laundry” (dirty secrets) should be kept out of sight when people are visiting; otherwise, it could be embarrassing for you, others, or them. There are many concerns and tons of information that need not become public.
Once it is released from your lips, it cannot be retracted. As the old folks in Mississippi sitting on their screened in porches gossiping and drinking lemonade would say, “You best know who you’re talking to. Don’t let folks know what’s going on in your house coz they will barge in. As for who you tell what to – all we can say is that “thang” over there … can’t hold water. Don’t tell her your business if you don’t want it out in the streets.” Listen to me my old folks! As a child, I thought that you didn’t know what you were talking about. Now, I see how wise you were and why you hung your laundry up in the dark!
Photo credit: www.thingspeoplesay.storenvy.com

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