Archive for the ‘Men/Relationships’ Category


By Vernalee
When someone has you eating out of their hand, it means that you would do exactly what they ask you to do; no questions asked.
Sometimes, but not always, it is a mind controlled thing whereby manipulation is often involved.
Some of us may deny it; but many of us have been there at some point in our lives.
Go ahead and admit it.
Perhaps, no one is immune.
Charismatic people, those that we love, or those that we want to be loved by – are some of the best candidates to feed us this nonexistent food.
It’s a feeling; a strong feeling at that.
It usually is a mind controlled thing.
It has happened to the best of us despite our strong will.
Lest not forget that …
Love and being in love will do it!
My words not yours.
So if and when you have entered the zone of someone controlling your every moves without your cognitive input and if and when the aura in the atmospheric love zone forces you to be in that position,
do know that you have metaphorically arrived and landed in the palm of someone’s hands!
You may be definitely eating out of their hands!
Either the comments are “What’s for dinner?” or “I am not playing those games of manipulation anymore!”
We’ll see …who is in control?
Are you there or not?
Excuse me …
Your actions speak louder than words.
Therefore …. Pass me the knife and fork!
Photo credit:


By Vernalee
Several years ago, I heard the comedian Sinbad make jokes about our cell phone usage. What an invention! “We use our cell phones for everything but talking,” Sinbad joked!
Sublimely true, our cell phones have so many varied uses in addition to our verbal conversations.
We text, email, and let our cell phones become our babysitter and company keeper!
They are most engaging communication and information tools that connect us to each other and to the world.
However, when our cells replace the sheer intimacy of our basic conversation; our eye to eye contact, and our relationship togetherness, there is a problem!
When we substitute our “one on one” face to face sharing by using an instrument, our technology has taken a seat at our table.
The questions become: Are we avoiding each other? Do we prefer dealing with each other from a distance?
Are we unreasonably using our phones as an enhancement or a replacement for talking to each other?
If we allow our phones to become an ingredient that causes communication indigestion, a “medicinal cure” will be needed before we regurgitate a breakup or a divorce!
Pepto Bismol … to the rescue!
All kidding aside, the Bottom Line is – We shouldn’t ignore each other. We should talk! Nothing beats face to face communications!
It does help us when we can look each other in the eye and observe each other body language. What a cure that may bring! Besides, you can’t hide.
Think about it!
To communicate is to be informed.
My thoughts …
Photo credit:


By Vernalee
Confused; twisted; conflicted; not knowing what to do or which way to turn! Sounds familiar?
When we are experiencing trouble in a relationship, it is for real; it is not easy. Though this illustration depicts it nicely; “holding on or letting go” is no laughing matter! It can definitely be a tug of war!
we heart - cartoon, the meaning of love
“Love” is a challenging emotion that may not be easy at times, but it is satisfying all the time!
Finding the balance is key. To give and receive love is one of the greatest feelings! It is nourishment to our soul!
I love the feeling of love!
Don’t you?
Find it!
Protect it!
Cherish it!
Nourish it!
Love it!
Be good to it so that you can keep it!
Photo credit:


By Vernalee
To be loved is a desired emotion for most.
For sure, “It’s never too late to find love!”
Play it again Sam!
Though love is a sought after emotion, finding it may be difficult as we cannot read other people’s hearts. Then we have the other issues. Complacency can be substituted for the phrase contributory negligence. It, alongside the fear of rejection, can become front and center in our lives and even convince us that we are happy when we are walking in a stream of loneliness and unhappiness.
Our older ears though filled with wax become fearful of hearing unpleasant words.
It’s easy to settle. It’s just as easy to find comfort in discomfort; to give up without really trying; to convince yourself that you are happy when you know that you are not.
Everybody needs somebody!
The older you become, your desire to take risk lessen. Lest not forget the prospects of being hurt! Age does not remove the prospects and exposure to being hurt. So now what?
Do you do nothing and let the unhappy days become unhappy years? Do you distant yourself from selfish people whose selfishness places you leap years behind your desires? Or do you seek, search, and find love?
What steps should you take as you look for love gingerly in the right places? How discreet should you be? It is not realistic for you to expect to open your front door and find your Prince Charming standing there. It is highly unlikely that a scenario like that will play out.
Looking for love and dating can be intimidating processes at any age. For certain, they are labors of work.
Another job, you don’t need! But get ready to rumble! Looking for love can be tantamount to punching a time clock of sorts.
The older you are and the longer that you have been out of the dating game, the lesser your dating skill set has become. Needless to say, your skills may be rusty. It can create anxiety and cultivate doubt. Just ask Tina Knowles!
Beautiful, successful, and in the spotlight was Tina Knowles, the Mother of superstar Beyonce. Then, after 33 years of marriage, she found herself divorced and all alone.
“Where am I gonna find somebody at 59 years old? Where do you meet men? Where do you get them? They’re all gone.” If Tina asked those questions, multiply mine and those from other middle aged women by 10.
But then something magical happened. She took the initiative to find love and happiness. She was reunited with a man that she had known for over three decades. Actor Richard Lawson entered the picture and the rest is history. By her wedding day, Tina’s tone had changed.
“To walk down the aisle and see all my friends and family and to see my handsome man standin’ there, and to know that at 61 you can still find love and have a magical day like that … it was really beautiful,” says the bride as she walked down the aisle to India Arie’s “Ready for Love.”
Yes, it takes courage.
It takes tenacity.
It takes getting out there and making yourself available.
It takes no settling for someone who doesn’t make you happy
Though you don’t won’t to necessarily wear your singleness on your sleeves, it is necessary to declare your availability. We sometimes tuck our single status in our back pockets. Revelation is part of the process. Rejection may be encountered, but determination will ultimately bring positive results.
Sharing your life with the man that you love is a beautiful thing. Companionship is great!
God knew that it was not good for man to be alone, thus he created woman. Love, companionship, eternal bliss of marriage will never grow old. Yes, read my lips. I can’t speak for you, but I declare – loneliness is for the lonely; it is no fun! I have seen the effects of it and how it torches your spirit and torments your soul.
Get up, go, and find your soulmate. He’s out there.
Sure, you can ignore your bed of unhappiness, loneliness, and unfulfilment. You can fool yourself and others, but eventually the truth raises its head.
You can even become a serial busy body. Filling your day with work, tasks, and activities are not cure-alls. They are merely timekeepers to pass the day.
I say, “Wake up and smell the coffee.” Don’t be left out in the cold alone (Brrr!) lonely, and without the love of your life. Besides, 60 is the new 40.
Get your groove on!
Photo credit: (Richard and Tina).


By Vernalee
When we are involved in relationships, it is serious business!
Attachments are formed.
Familiarity becomes a standard.
When our relationships work, happiness abounds.
When they don’t, discontentment is our by-product.
Getting rid of the bad apples and walking away are not always easy tasks.
We may find ourselves with folks who should have left light years ago.
What should we do … keep them around or let them go?
Neil Sedaka sang to us in the 1970’s, “Breaking up is hard to do!”
Kenny Rogers harmonized, “You’ve got to know when to hold ’em; know when to fold ’em; know when to walk away; know when to run.”
Challenging, isn’t it?
Therefore, it is imperative that we are careful and selective about who we let into our lives and into our precious space.
Invariably, leaving is not easy when there is sticky relationship residue all over the place. Disconnecting can be even harder.
Whether it is in a good or bad way, people “rub off!”
Sweet is better than bitter; good is better than bad.
You choose.
Choose wisely.
One thing is for sure.
We live with our choices – good or bad.
Photo credit:


By Vernalee
Are you in a relationship by yourself?
Does that question seem unrealistic?
How can you be in a relationship, a state of being reserved for two people, by yourself? It doesn’t add up or make sense.
Does it?
Before you have an Einstein Relativity Moment, do know that it is possible.
Some may have experienced the effects.
It’s akin to swimming upstream.
It’s like talking to yourself hearing the echo of only one voice; yours.
The emotionless Gravity is penetrating.
Your mate is ever so present physically, but emotionally and mentally he is not there.
Speaking of lonely and facing the world alone in the presence of someone that you love and who purportedly love you, now you have it!
Is your or his heart closed?
Are you or him withdrawn or uncommunicative?
Are you or him unavailable whereby you are disconnected from each other?
Are you or him unrealistically judgmental of each other (thoughts, feelings, looks, actions) to the extent that you are overwhelmed and cannot handle conflict?
Are you lonely with him in the room?
Hush your mouth!
It is not a good feeling; trust me.
Where did the love go?
Can it be restored to its once beheld luster?
Sure, it can!
The only requirement is that it takes two!
If both of you cannot commit to the emotional and loving wellbeing of each other, you are walking in the sand alone; this time without the view of adjacent footprints.
If that happens …
You are indeed tragically alone physically and emotionally in the relationship by yourself!
Loneliness isn’t fun.
Now the question becomes …
Why are you there?
Will you stay?
Photo credit:

PostHeaderIcon “A MAN’S MAN”

By Vernalee

We often use the phrase, “He’s a Man’s Man.” Exactly, what does that mean? A colleague recently sent me an article where Dick Powell of Leadership Wrangler explains it nicely. It was right on point.
Take a look.
“A man’s man is a get it done with no excuses kind of guy. A guy that could wear a tux one day and a pair of overhauls the next. A guy that knows his way around a tool box and a board room.”
Wow, this description sounds good!
I’m getting excited!
Let’s examine the other defining characteristics:
“Self-Reliant: He is able to tackle any challenge, carries himself with self-confidence and dignity. He takes care of himself and knows his capabilities and limitations.
Personal Presentation: He walks with a sense of direction and confidence. No matter what he is doing, he is dressed in clean and presentable attire. He knows and understands the message he is sending before he speaks. He smiles, has a firm handshake, listens intently, and presents a calm, carrying exterior. He takes care of himself – Body, Mind, and Spirit.
Articulate: He can speak to anyone with the correct words and is constantly learning new ways to build relationships. He uses his speech as a tool to communicate fully his ideas, dreams and desires. He pronounces each word distinctly, carefully, weighted, and with timing for measure.
Trustworthy: His word and handshake are is his bond. He does what he says he will do with no excuses. He feels foul play is traitorous.
Open: He has no hidden agendas or secrets. He is open and honest in all his dealings at work, at home and at play.
Balanced: He knows how to balance his career with his personal life. He has a set of values that he lives by and will not sway from. He takes time for recreation and rest.
Vision: He has a written vision for where he will end up in life. It will become his personal future picture. He can and will communicate it to others.
Mission: He knows what his calling in life is. He explores ways and takes steps that move him toward what it is that he is here on earth to accomplish. If he does not know what his calling is, he is man enough to seek out someone to help him discover it and put it into action.
Strategy: He has a daily plan, that is more than just a “to do” list. It will become a road map to living his mission and achieving his vision.
Intentional: He is intentional in all that he does, at home, at work, in his personal life, and when dealing with others.
Kind: He treats everyone with respect no matter where they work, live, or dress. He spreads kindness everywhere.
Integrity: He always does the right thing, even when no one is watching.
Accountability: He is first accountable to himself for all of his decisions, both bad and good. He takes ownership of his choices. He handles his business well.
Courteous: Opens doors for all entering – both tangible and intangible.”
What a man!
I don’t know about you, but this is exactly the type of man that I want in my life. Just reading about his attributes is a turn on!
A man’s man is strong but gentle; firm but considerate; compassionate, caring …the list goes on.
For sure, he is recognizable and stands out from the crowd!
He is personally, professionally, and spiritually grounded!
I want a man who takes care of business with me in mind.
Don’t you?
Who wants a selfish whimp who only cares about himself?
Is a man’s man – few and in between; a rarity at best?
Just asking!
With a show of hands, how many men do you know who fit this definition?
I’m looking in the audience, but I don’t see your hand in the air.
The answer speaks for itself!
Photo Credit:; Source: Dick Powell, Leadership Wrangler


By Vernalee

Is he lying or telling the truth?
Asking that question is not fun.
Everyone knows that “The truth will set you free!”
Finding out if someone is being truthful can be challenging.
Absence a lie detector test, how can you be 100% sure?
Body language is so telling.
It reveals more than words sometimes.
Pay attention.
Take a look at these signs.
Maybe, they will help you discern the truth from lies.
Here you go.
1. Pick up on their posture.
2. Look them in the eye.
3. Notice the rate of their movements.
4. Pay attention to their story.
5. Lean in, particularly, if they are leaning away.
6. Take stock of their response.
7. Pay attention to how they shake their head.
8. Pick up on any difference in their behavior.
9. Trust your gut.
Do not be afraid to admit what you see.
Don’t make excuses for their behavior.
After all, seeing is believing!
Photo and source:


By Vernalee

Is this person the right one for me?
Though a simple question, it is loaded!
And of course, its better to ask up front than later.
So, let’s ask some serious ones and obtain the answers before uniting decisions are made.
Look before your leap.
According to relationship experts,
Here are eight questions to seriously consider.
Here we go.
Commitment means different things to different people.
Know what commitment means for both of you. Some would consider themselves in a committed relationship when there is sexual exclusivity. Others don’t feel secure in their relationship without a marriage certificate.
Listen To Your Body To Know If A Person Is The Right One For You.
Consider these three variables when deciding if a person is worth your investment in a committed relationship: 1) What your body tells you 2) If the person is sincere 3) The quality of communications within the relationship.
Ask Yourself “Is My Partner Genuine?” Discover the true nature of your partner. Many people try to sell a better version of themselves in the beginning of a relationship that they often don’t live up to. Before jumping into a committed relationship, one must ask: “Do I really know this person and trust that they are who they represent themselves to be in this union?”
Make Sure That The Communication Is Worth Your Commitment.
There are several insightful signs to look for when evaluating the quality of communication within the relationship. For example, you should make sure that you want to share all news, good or bad, with each other and laugh together.
Make Sure That You Are Truly In Love Before Committing.
Answer and ponder very profound and difficult questions when deciding whether to take the plunge. Focus on the concept of commitment by making the commitment process leading with your wants and needs, and not just your partner’s.
Decide Whether You Want To Live Together Before Marriage.
ClearLy, there are pros and cons to living together before marriage. While it’s nice to have your partner next to you in bed every night and to have him or her there to share household chores or rent payments, it’s also important that you know your partner’s true feelings and purpose surrounding the marriage.
Be Emotionally, Financially & Psychologically Prepared For A Committed Relationship.
Couples should be aware of the effects that external factors can have on a committed relationship, and that it can be healthy for a committed relationship when both parties are individually secure within themselves and with their jobs. Marriage demonstrates the highest level of commitment that two individuals can show one another. Marriage and commitment require accountability and maturity.
Men Should Be Encouraged To Be Involved In The Planning Of A Wedding.
If a committed relationship is destined to turn into a marriage, relationship advice is get men involved in the planning of the ceremony and reception party. If you have made the decision to unite and plant your love garden together, shouldn’t everything be decided as a team right from the beginning?”
Depending on the answers to questions 2-8, Question 1 (The wedding) may be null and void. Thank goodness that the questions are in descending order.
Oh well, at least you’ll know the answers before jumping the broom.
There you have it.
If it is a no go, there may be “One less bell to answer; one less egg to fry.”
The remaining chorus to this Fifth Dimensions song is “and all I do is cry!”
Hopefully, the ending doesn’t produce heartaches and tears, but if it is the wrong mate, perhsps it is better to cry now than later?
Photo credit:; Source:


By Vernalee
What happens once the honeymoon is over; once you find out that he is not perfect? What happens when you hit bumps in the road?
You can leave or stay.
By golly, if it is the right person, you want to stay and work things out!
But how?
Let’s face it!
Relationships are hard; they are challenging. Despite it all, nothing beats cozy companionship and knowing that someone who cares about you is in your corner.
I have frequently said to my significant other, “Talking to you doesn’t make the problem go away, but it’s comforting when you listen; when you hold my hand. It lightens my load; for the moment at least.”
With that being said, nothing beats two way communications.
So, if you want to keep the home fire burning with your love Jones,
I’ll tell you a million dollar secret.
In fact, let’s Vernalize this phrase.
Relationships work when we work on them!
So if you are up for a challenge, let’s take a relationship dive so that when we come up for air, we are smelling tantalizing fragrances of sweet roses and all that comes with it.
Here we go.
Are you ready for the Countdown.
Ready, Set, Go!
Day 1-30:
1. Cuddle up to watch a movie.
2. Go for a late night walk and watch the sunset together.
3. Make your partner’s favorite meal and crack open some wine.
4. Leave your partner a cute little post it note telling them how much you love them.
5. Sign up for a class together; dancing, poetry, anything!
6. Treat your other half to a relaxing massage.
7. Take a sensual bath/shower together.
8. Surprise your partner with breakfast in bed.
9. Go and see the movie your love has been waiting to see.
10. Take a look through some old photos you took when you started dating.
11. Arrange a romantic picnic with some amazing scenery and views.
12. Go for a morning run together.
13. Book a weekend mini break.
14. Have a technology free day & just talk.
15. Put on some music and slow dance together.
16. Write down 3 things that you love about your partner & hide them around the house. It’s treasure hunt time.
17. Make passionate love.
18. Go on a date to a fancy restaurant.
19. Get a little hands on and kiss passionately.
20. Do something spontaneously for your partner.
21. Buy some sexy lingerie and model it.
22. Bake a cake together.
23. Go for a drive & head to your favorite spot.
24. Stay up late talking & laughing.
25. Complete a puzzle together.
26. Go on a double date.
27. Dress up, head out, and go dancing.
28. Go to see a show or concert together.
29. Indulge in some serious PDA.
30. Leave your partner a sexy voicemail.
I can’t wait to see what happens!
Let’s come back next month on day 31, compare notes, and see how we did!
Splish, splash!
Photo Credit:; Source:

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