Archive for the ‘Men/Relationships’ Category

PostHeaderIcon A TEFLON MAN – NO WAY!

By Vernalee
Since we’re cooking this week, let’s continue.
When Teflon cookware hit the market, women were excited!
Finally, there were nonstick pots and pans that didn’t require scrubbing.
Rinse them with soapy water, wipe, and you are done in a jack flash minute. It’s that easy!
Though this Teflon magic was ingenious in the kitchen, no woman wants a Teflon type man in her life.
True that!
Who wants to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t stick or with a man who cannot give devoted attention to her and her emotions.
Lack of attention correlates to a lack of dependability. No one wants to be with someone that you cannot depend upon.
In addition to his lack of stickiness, a
Teflon man is the “about to do, but never did” type.
The upside is if things don’t work, you don’t have to flex your muscle to remove his existence; the glide will require less effort!
In the final analysis, your life will thank you for his removal.
Once gone, he can no longer eat your food (more money for you) and you no longer have to tolerate his lack of emotional or financial contribution.
What a slick culprit!
He’s gone!
This advertising slogan says its best: “Ditch the Non-Stick!”
Photo reprint: www.


By Vernalee
As women, we encounter various types of men in our universe. One such man is the Alpha Male. Now then, who is the Alpha Male?
Let me describe him by characteristics. If you know him, give me a jingle.
The Alpha Male is commonly called “the real man, a man’s man, a warrior, a stand-up guy. He is a leader, the guy others look to for motivation, inspiration, and often with a hint of jealousy. He’s the man that women want.”
Ladies, if I have your attention, keep reading. Though it is lengthy, we want a man who will not fade away in the sunset.
Here we go.
“25 characteristics that make a man the alpha.
1. The alpha male is persistent. There’s no quit in this man. He’s the last man standing.
2. The alpha male can defend himself and his family.
3. The alpha male is in peak physical shape. He’s strong and athletic as well as aesthetically pleasing to the opposite sex.
4. The alpha male is courageous. He doesn’t lack fear, rather, he accepts that it exists and faces it at every opportunity.
5. The alpha male can entertain. He has a sense of humor and can have a group of people hanging on his every word – he’s a good story teller.
6. The alpha male has stories to tell. He’s lived – and is living – a unique life. He’s made mistakes, but he’s able to find humor in them. He’s had adventures that everyone wants to hear about.
7. The alpha male can laugh at himself.
8. The alpha male is humble. No matter what he accomplishes, his head will never balloon, and if it does, he comes back down to earth before it gets out of hand.
9. The alpha male is learned, educated. A degree isn’t a prerequisite, but a thirst for knowledge is. This helps him relate to people from every social and economic standing. He can converse intelligently. He is a history buff and a sports nut.
10. The alpha male is a man’s man. He’s tough, often quiet, composed, but can joke and shoot the breeze with anyone.
11. The alpha male knows the value of every word, he doesn’t talk simply to hear the sound of his own voice. His words are chosen carefully. He respects their power; he speaks when he has something of value to say. He’s never the loudest one in the room.
12. The alpha male has a purpose. This may be his most defining trait. Where many wander through life trying to find their Self, the alpha male is too busy creating his Self. Every day he does something to bring himself closer to his goal.
13. The alpha male is a hard worker. He knows that nothing great is accomplished without hard work and a definite purpose.
14. The alpha male is a warrior not a worrier.
15. The alpha male doesn’t pick a fight, but he ends it if he’s in one. He doesn’t fight to destroy, but to defend.
16. The alpha male has style. He takes pride in how he looks. He also knows how to dress like a man.
17. The alpha male knows who he is; his values govern his life. He doesn’t stray from these values, in fact he stands up for them even if he stands alone.
18. The alpha male knows how to treat a lady. He respects women. He’s chivalrous. He helps his lady at every chance. He helps her reach her dreams.
19. The alpha male isn’t a sucker. He isn’t a clinger. He won’t let a woman run his life. He’s his own man. Though he worships the ground his lady walks on, he will not likely be with a jealous woman.
20. The alpha male is a man of value and values. He makes the lives of others better by being a part of them.
21. The alpha male helps others, he’s generous. He has his purpose, but he knows that life isn’t merely about accomplishments, but about leaving a legacy. That legacy is how he made others feel, and how he helps others accomplish their dreams.
22. The alpha male is a leader who leads by example. He doesn’t tell people how to live, but lives in the manner he sees as best to live.
23. Alpha males throughout history, (Achilles and Napoleon), saw opportunity where others saw failure. The alpha male will fail, but he won’t see failure as the end. He’s sees it as a necessary part of the experience, a stepping-stone. Knowing this allows him to try things others won’t, and to work harder when others usually quit.
24. The alpha male is stubborn. When he starts something he’s passionate about, no one can stop him or pull back on the reigns. He’s in it until the end. He’s also open-minded and willing to listen to other points of view. He knows he’s flawed.
25. The alpha male is interested in life, in living. He’s fascinated by becoming the best man he can possibly become. He genuinely cares about people. He passionately works hard. He’s excited by life, by the opportunity that each day presents. He’s genuine in every facet of who he is. Bred from curiosity, a genuine kindness, and a warrior’s heart, he is who he is, and all others follow him wherever he will lead them.”
With the characteristics out of the way, what do we as women want?
The answer is simple.
We desire a man who will love us, respect us, protect us, provide for us, be loyal to us, be there for us, listen to us, support us … be our everything…
Whether he is an Alpha or an Omega, we are his beginning and his end…and everything (I mean everything) in between!
He shows us how much he loves us and what we mean to him on two occasions – day and night!
I’m shaking in my boots as I am engulfed in his rapture and splendor!
Now, that’s what I’m talking about!
Photo credit:; Source:


By Vernalee
Stop confusing the terms, gentleman and good man! By definition, a gentleman is defined as a man who is courteous and honorable; a man who treats other people in a proper and polite manner; and a man of high social status. A good man, by definition, has a variable definition depending on the person. In general, a good man is referred to by his attributes of treatment to others, particularly – the woman in his life.
The Top 15 Signs of a Good Man are as follow:
1. A good man never lets you forget how much he loves you.
2. A good man always supports you.
3. A good man will inspire you.
4. A good man will work to gain your trust.
5. A good man will always make you feel beautiful.
6. A good man will make you feel safe.
7. A good man does the little things.
8. A good man never crosses the line.
9. A good man is always trying to improve himself.
10. A good man understands that actions speak louder than words.
11. A good man will open up to you.
12. A good man will always be honest with you.
13. A good man will make you feel comfortable being honest.
14. A good man will never be abusive.
15. A good man will stand by you.
Those are the 15 signs that HuffPost Women had to say. Let’s dig further.
The Bible has countless scriptures on what a Man and a Good Man should do and how he should behave.
Who knows better than the Father?
I counted about 60 plus verses. “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love” is one of them. Of course, as with most subjects, we always put our interpretative spin on things.
One of my male friends always said, “A good man anticipates his woman’s needs. She doesn’t have to ask. He knows.”
Another lifelong friend from Mississippi swears on her definition of a good man. According to her, “A good man will be my your side; love you, protect you, provide for you, pray with you and for you; will never lie to you; will be there in your time of need to hold your hand; his money is your money; will unselfishly treat you like a million dollars with change to spare.”
Another wonderful friend equates, “A good man will put the “R” in romance.” Selfishness and laziness never enter his space when it comes to his woman. A good man will catch you before you fall. Whatever it takes, he will not let you hit the ground! He will put a ring on that finger because he doesn’t want to lose you to another. How competitive he is to eliminate the competition! Sharing his “squeeze” is not in the cards. A good man recognizes a good woman and does what is necessary to keep her! “What a Man!” There are too many definitions and variables; too many to elaborate.
A good man will take your breath away and make you forget about what you were talking about, or in this case writing about; as I have so elegantly done in this text. Whew!
So, back to the topic of the distinguishing features of a good man and a gentleman.
Just because he opens the door, lets you walk in first, pulls out your chair, and puts the napkin in your lap, don’t mean that he is a good man. It means that his Mother taught him the rules of etiquette.
A gentleman and a good man are not synonyms.
However, a gentleman can be a good man and vice versa, but not necessarily.
You catch my drift, right?
Admittedly, this is too confusing and complicated ladies when all we want is a mighty good man who gently treat us right!
If he is a good man who is “in to you” as a good man would be, he will know precisely what you need, wants, and expects; he will know how to make that happen.
Unlike a ball of hot air, he walks the talk!
Case closed!
Now then, if he is a masculine specimen who believes in the Lord, is easy on the eyes with Herculean muscles, has the provider gene, the romantic swirl, and is as fine as wine, I ain’t mad at him! We’ll gladly take the value added bonuses that undoubtedly increase his goodness!
My apologies to the lengthiness of this post, but a good man is worth the stretch!
Photo credit:


By Vernalee
imageWhat are you rolling around in your relationship?
Before you answer, “nothing,” think and think again.
You may be surprised.
What’s contained therein is not a blame game. Rather, it is an admittance. We are all sum totals of our experiences.
Stress, guilt, low self esteem, resentment, fear, anger, depression, residue from past relationships, bitterness, lack of trust, secrets, and other weighty issues may be emotionally in tow with you.
Check this out.
You know what’s in your luggage.
The million dollar question is –
“What’s in his?”
You didn’t pack his stuff!
He did!
Hopefully, your and his bags are on wheels. In either case, the weight can get heavy. In fact, it can be too much; over the limits to be exact.
Are you ready to unpack and remove those items that need not be there?
How can you make your load lighter?
Do you need to detox?
Before you respond, look at the signs that suggests that you are rolling around a heavy load.
They are there!
Some may be invisibly hiding inside the lining, but they are bound to penetrate outside the zipper.
Let’s take a look.
10 Signs that you’ve got too much emotional baggage in your relationship:
1. You blame first, defend second.
2. You think you own the other person.
3. You can’t receive constructive criticism.
4. You agree first, stab in the back second.
5. You think your meddling friends are “all that.”
6. You have a sense of entitlement.
7. You are a selfish, petty, grandiose narcissist.
8. There are trust issues.
9. There is baby drama.
10. A previous partner and/or family menbers are too involved in your relationship. What are they doing there? You don’t have room or time for them. Only God, the two of you, and your children can be in your circle.
If you have these emotional substances and other dangers looming in your luggage, you need to get rid of them and their influences.
Otherwise, you will continue to roll around these issues and their correlated problems.
Let’s examine this closer.
Guess what?
Since you are now a team, a transfer is bound to occur.
No worries, there is strength in numbers.
That’s right.
Your weight become his; his, yours.
Then, the two of you are on the seesaw together trying to balance what was brought in!
Is that fair?
Fair is not the word; sharing is.
An understanding partner who loves you will be there.
He/she will help with the transition, unpacking, and resolutions.
You can work on it together, but the ultimate responsibility for removing some of the individual weight belongs to the person who rolled it in.
Someone has to take the lead.
Otherwise, your old baggage will inhibit your relationship from truly taking off; from cruising to higher heights of love and happiness.
In other words, you’ll grounded!
What a shame!
You just bought that gorgeous set of designer luggage and you can’t go nowhere!
Deal with it!
Lighten the load.
Get your house in order!
Stop rolling around unnecessary pounds that weigh down you and yours!
Coming together is easy; staying together has its challenges, but it certainly beats being alone and lonely…with no where to go!
Photo credit: www; Source:


By Vernalee
Are you settling?
Don’t do it!
Are you in a relationship with a person that you tolerate, but really don’t love anymore?
Settling for someone just because they are available happens more frequently than not.
That’s crazy.
Well let’s see.
It’s hard to tell!
You can fool the masses because you are publicly seen out displaying a harmonious presence that wreathes of happiness.
If you aren’t happy, you’re a great actor.
It begs to ask – how could you stay with someone that you don’t love?
There may be a host of reasons.
1. It may be out of convenience. Although you detest the games that are played; the secrets that are hidden; the “stuff” that they have gotten away with while escaping the expressions of your wrath, it’s better than nothing.
So much for keeping the peace!
2. It may even be that the person has been around for a considerable period of time. It’s so easy to become comfortable. It takes work to “seek and find” love and compatibility.
3. Availability is key.
When someone is available, why go looking?
4. Fear of being alone ranks high. Everyone wants to say that they have someone special in their life.
Loneliness is a bomber!
There may be tons of reasons for settling, but don’t do it if the person is not what you want.
Your happiness depends upon it.
Prayer helps!
Pray to God to put an awesome person in your life.
Keep your antennas up.
If that person comes around, be appreciative. Show it.
It is wonderful to be blessed with the presence of someone who loves, appreciates, and respects you.
You’re no longer down and out; you’re up and away.
Let’s see what happens next!
Photo credit:


By Vernalee

So many times, we try to make something out of nothing.
You know what I am talking about! Don’t act naïve.
We form bonds with people and then have to decide where and how they fit.
Challenging; right?
One such challenge is defining the boundaries of a relationship with a male that is close, but not intimate.
Which brings me to this question.
Is he your friend or your man?
No one knows the answer to that question better than you!
Some things just will not fit no matter how hard we try.
Some things are definitely not what they appear to be outwardly.
So back to the question.
Who is this man?
Many times, it is awkward and closely akin to trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
Particularly this is the case when we meet someone that we want to be more than that person is willing to be.
That situation really becomes a problem.
We cannot let our thirst for a relationship coerce us to make a man, our man – when his actions and our reactions to him only signify that he is no more than a friend.
Are you confused?
Have you ever found yourself in this position?
Most likely.
Let’s see if these 10 signs shed any light as to whether it is better to be his friend than to be a couple.
Here we go!
1. You prefer to hang out in groups.
2. There are no sweet words between you.
3. You talk openly about other women & men.
4. You don’t make the effort (to look special, etc.) for him.
5. Neither of you feel any jealousies.
6. He says, “You’re my best friend” more than he says “I love you.”
7. You have more laughs than romance in your relationship.
8. It doesn’t matter if you have to cancel a date.
9. You don’t miss him when he’s gone.
10. There is no physical spark.
Listen up!
When he is more than a friend, these 10 things will not define your relationship.
Quite the contrary!
You will experience traits like being overly anxious where you cannot wait to see him; wanting to spend alone and quality time with him; feeling disappointed if he can’t make it to your date; and so much more.
The classification is important as you dont want to lead him on and you certainly don’t want to be led down the wrong path.
And of course, you don’t want him as a blocker. If he is so closely identified with you as your man when he is not, he essentially become a deterrent to your meeting someone else.
Can I get a witness?
So don’t fool yourself with who and what he is – your friend or your guy?
Know the difference.
Your heart, your head, or that inner voice will tell you. One of the three spills the beans every time.
Realize this – everyone cannot be your man, but a selected few can be your friend.
The criteria is different.
So is the expectation.
As you are well aware – some things go together; others just won’t fit.
Be a smart cookie. Know this …
Friendship to a male friend and love for your man are two different things; make no mistake about it!
Remember, male friends are some of the best!
I have a few.
I love them … they love me, but as friends though!
Photo credit: swta photo archive; Source:


By Vernalee
When someone has you eating out of their hand, it means that you would do exactly what they ask you to do; no questions asked.
Sometimes, but not always, it is a mind controlled thing whereby manipulation is often involved.
Some of us may deny it; but many of us have been there at some point in our lives.
Go ahead and admit it.
Perhaps, no one is immune.
Charismatic people, those that we love, or those that we want to be loved by – are some of the best candidates to feed us this nonexistent food.
It’s a feeling; a strong feeling at that.
It usually is a mind controlled thing.
It has happened to the best of us despite our strong will.
Lest not forget that …
Love and being in love will do it!
My words not yours.
So if and when you have entered the zone of someone controlling your every moves without your cognitive input and if and when the aura in the atmospheric love zone forces you to be in that position,
do know that you have metaphorically arrived and landed in the palm of someone’s hands!
You may be definitely eating out of their hands!
Either the comments are “What’s for dinner?” or “I am not playing those games of manipulation anymore!”
We’ll see …who is in control?
Are you there or not?
Excuse me …
Your actions speak louder than words.
Therefore …. Pass me the knife and fork!
Photo credit:


By Vernalee
Several years ago, I heard the comedian Sinbad make jokes about our cell phone usage. What an invention! “We use our cell phones for everything but talking,” Sinbad joked!
Sublimely true, our cell phones have so many varied uses in addition to our verbal conversations.
We text, email, and let our cell phones become our babysitter and company keeper!
They are most engaging communication and information tools that connect us to each other and to the world.
However, when our cells replace the sheer intimacy of our basic conversation; our eye to eye contact, and our relationship togetherness, there is a problem!
When we substitute our “one on one” face to face sharing by using an instrument, our technology has taken a seat at our table.
The questions become: Are we avoiding each other? Do we prefer dealing with each other from a distance?
Are we unreasonably using our phones as an enhancement or a replacement for talking to each other?
If we allow our phones to become an ingredient that causes communication indigestion, a “medicinal cure” will be needed before we regurgitate a breakup or a divorce!
Pepto Bismol … to the rescue!
All kidding aside, the Bottom Line is – We shouldn’t ignore each other. We should talk! Nothing beats face to face communications!
It does help us when we can look each other in the eye and observe each other body language. What a cure that may bring! Besides, you can’t hide.
Think about it!
To communicate is to be informed.
My thoughts …
Photo credit:


By Vernalee
Confused; twisted; conflicted; not knowing what to do or which way to turn! Sounds familiar?
When we are experiencing trouble in a relationship, it is for real; it is not easy. Though this illustration depicts it nicely; “holding on or letting go” is no laughing matter! It can definitely be a tug of war!
we heart - cartoon, the meaning of love
“Love” is a challenging emotion that may not be easy at times, but it is satisfying all the time!
Finding the balance is key. To give and receive love is one of the greatest feelings! It is nourishment to our soul!
I love the feeling of love!
Don’t you?
Find it!
Protect it!
Cherish it!
Nourish it!
Love it!
Be good to it so that you can keep it!
Photo credit:


By Vernalee
To be loved is a desired emotion for most.
For sure, “It’s never too late to find love!”
Play it again Sam!
Though love is a sought after emotion, finding it may be difficult as we cannot read other people’s hearts. Then we have the other issues. Complacency can be substituted for the phrase contributory negligence. It, alongside the fear of rejection, can become front and center in our lives and even convince us that we are happy when we are walking in a stream of loneliness and unhappiness.
Our older ears though filled with wax become fearful of hearing unpleasant words.
It’s easy to settle. It’s just as easy to find comfort in discomfort; to give up without really trying; to convince yourself that you are happy when you know that you are not.
Everybody needs somebody!
The older you become, your desire to take risk lessen. Lest not forget the prospects of being hurt! Age does not remove the prospects and exposure to being hurt. So now what?
Do you do nothing and let the unhappy days become unhappy years? Do you distant yourself from selfish people whose selfishness places you leap years behind your desires? Or do you seek, search, and find love?
What steps should you take as you look for love gingerly in the right places? How discreet should you be? It is not realistic for you to expect to open your front door and find your Prince Charming standing there. It is highly unlikely that a scenario like that will play out.
Looking for love and dating can be intimidating processes at any age. For certain, they are labors of work.
Another job, you don’t need! But get ready to rumble! Looking for love can be tantamount to punching a time clock of sorts.
The older you are and the longer that you have been out of the dating game, the lesser your dating skill set has become. Needless to say, your skills may be rusty. It can create anxiety and cultivate doubt. Just ask Tina Knowles!
Beautiful, successful, and in the spotlight was Tina Knowles, the Mother of superstar Beyonce. Then, after 33 years of marriage, she found herself divorced and all alone.
“Where am I gonna find somebody at 59 years old? Where do you meet men? Where do you get them? They’re all gone.” If Tina asked those questions, multiply mine and those from other middle aged women by 10.
But then something magical happened. She took the initiative to find love and happiness. She was reunited with a man that she had known for over three decades. Actor Richard Lawson entered the picture and the rest is history. By her wedding day, Tina’s tone had changed.
“To walk down the aisle and see all my friends and family and to see my handsome man standin’ there, and to know that at 61 you can still find love and have a magical day like that … it was really beautiful,” says the bride as she walked down the aisle to India Arie’s “Ready for Love.”
Yes, it takes courage.
It takes tenacity.
It takes getting out there and making yourself available.
It takes no settling for someone who doesn’t make you happy
Though you don’t won’t to necessarily wear your singleness on your sleeves, it is necessary to declare your availability. We sometimes tuck our single status in our back pockets. Revelation is part of the process. Rejection may be encountered, but determination will ultimately bring positive results.
Sharing your life with the man that you love is a beautiful thing. Companionship is great!
God knew that it was not good for man to be alone, thus he created woman. Love, companionship, eternal bliss of marriage will never grow old. Yes, read my lips. I can’t speak for you, but I declare – loneliness is for the lonely; it is no fun! I have seen the effects of it and how it torches your spirit and torments your soul.
Get up, go, and find your soulmate. He’s out there.
Sure, you can ignore your bed of unhappiness, loneliness, and unfulfilment. You can fool yourself and others, but eventually the truth raises its head.
You can even become a serial busy body. Filling your day with work, tasks, and activities are not cure-alls. They are merely timekeepers to pass the day.
I say, “Wake up and smell the coffee.” Don’t be left out in the cold alone (Brrr!) lonely, and without the love of your life. Besides, 60 is the new 40.
Get your groove on!
Photo credit: (Richard and Tina).

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