Archive for the ‘Men/Relationships’ Category


By Vernalee
When we are involved in relationships, it is serious business!
Attachments are formed.
Familiarity becomes a standard.
When our relationships work, happiness abounds.
When they don’t, discontentment is our by-product.
Getting rid of the bad apples and walking away are not always easy tasks.
We may find ourselves with folks who should have left light years ago.
What should we do … keep them around or let them go?
Neil Sedaka sang to us in the 1970’s, “Breaking up is hard to do!”
Kenny Rogers harmonized, “You’ve got to know when to hold ’em; know when to fold ’em; know when to walk away; know when to run.”
Challenging, isn’t it?
Therefore, it is imperative that we are careful and selective about who we let into our lives and into our precious space.
Invariably, leaving is not easy when there is sticky relationship residue all over the place. Disconnecting can be even harder.
Whether it is in a good or bad way, people “rub off!”
Sweet is better than bitter; good is better than bad.
You choose.
Choose wisely.
One thing is for sure.
We live with our choices – good or bad.
Photo credit:


By Vernalee
Are you in a relationship by yourself?
Does that question seem unrealistic?
How can you be in a relationship, a state of being reserved for two people, by yourself? It doesn’t add up or make sense.
Does it?
Before you have an Einstein Relativity Moment, do know that it is possible.
Some may have experienced the effects.
It’s akin to swimming upstream.
It’s like talking to yourself hearing the echo of only one voice; yours.
The emotionless Gravity is penetrating.
Your mate is ever so present physically, but emotionally and mentally he is not there.
Speaking of lonely and facing the world alone in the presence of someone that you love and who purportedly love you, now you have it!
Is your or his heart closed?
Are you or him withdrawn or uncommunicative?
Are you or him unavailable whereby you are disconnected from each other?
Are you or him unrealistically judgmental of each other (thoughts, feelings, looks, actions) to the extent that you are overwhelmed and cannot handle conflict?
Are you lonely with him in the room?
Hush your mouth!
It is not a good feeling; trust me.
Where did the love go?
Can it be restored to its once beheld luster?
Sure, it can!
The only requirement is that it takes two!
If both of you cannot commit to the emotional and loving wellbeing of each other, you are walking in the sand alone; this time without the view of adjacent footprints.
If that happens …
You are indeed tragically alone physically and emotionally in the relationship by yourself!
Loneliness isn’t fun.
Now the question becomes …
Why are you there?
Will you stay?
Photo credit:

PostHeaderIcon “A MAN’S MAN”

By Vernalee

We often use the phrase, “He’s a Man’s Man.” Exactly, what does that mean? A colleague recently sent me an article where Dick Powell of Leadership Wrangler explains it nicely. It was right on point.
Take a look.
“A man’s man is a get it done with no excuses kind of guy. A guy that could wear a tux one day and a pair of overhauls the next. A guy that knows his way around a tool box and a board room.”
Wow, this description sounds good!
I’m getting excited!
Let’s examine the other defining characteristics:
“Self-Reliant: He is able to tackle any challenge, carries himself with self-confidence and dignity. He takes care of himself and knows his capabilities and limitations.
Personal Presentation: He walks with a sense of direction and confidence. No matter what he is doing, he is dressed in clean and presentable attire. He knows and understands the message he is sending before he speaks. He smiles, has a firm handshake, listens intently, and presents a calm, carrying exterior. He takes care of himself – Body, Mind, and Spirit.
Articulate: He can speak to anyone with the correct words and is constantly learning new ways to build relationships. He uses his speech as a tool to communicate fully his ideas, dreams and desires. He pronounces each word distinctly, carefully, weighted, and with timing for measure.
Trustworthy: His word and handshake are is his bond. He does what he says he will do with no excuses. He feels foul play is traitorous.
Open: He has no hidden agendas or secrets. He is open and honest in all his dealings at work, at home and at play.
Balanced: He knows how to balance his career with his personal life. He has a set of values that he lives by and will not sway from. He takes time for recreation and rest.
Vision: He has a written vision for where he will end up in life. It will become his personal future picture. He can and will communicate it to others.
Mission: He knows what his calling in life is. He explores ways and takes steps that move him toward what it is that he is here on earth to accomplish. If he does not know what his calling is, he is man enough to seek out someone to help him discover it and put it into action.
Strategy: He has a daily plan, that is more than just a “to do” list. It will become a road map to living his mission and achieving his vision.
Intentional: He is intentional in all that he does, at home, at work, in his personal life, and when dealing with others.
Kind: He treats everyone with respect no matter where they work, live, or dress. He spreads kindness everywhere.
Integrity: He always does the right thing, even when no one is watching.
Accountability: He is first accountable to himself for all of his decisions, both bad and good. He takes ownership of his choices. He handles his business well.
Courteous: Opens doors for all entering – both tangible and intangible.”
What a man!
I don’t know about you, but this is exactly the type of man that I want in my life. Just reading about his attributes is a turn on!
A man’s man is strong but gentle; firm but considerate; compassionate, caring …the list goes on.
For sure, he is recognizable and stands out from the crowd!
He is personally, professionally, and spiritually grounded!
I want a man who takes care of business with me in mind.
Don’t you?
Who wants a selfish whimp who only cares about himself?
Is a man’s man – few and in between; a rarity at best?
Just asking!
With a show of hands, how many men do you know who fit this definition?
I’m looking in the audience, but I don’t see your hand in the air.
The answer speaks for itself!
Photo Credit:; Source: Dick Powell, Leadership Wrangler


By Vernalee

Is he lying or telling the truth?
Asking that question is not fun.
Everyone knows that “The truth will set you free!”
Finding out if someone is being truthful can be challenging.
Absence a lie detector test, how can you be 100% sure?
Body language is so telling.
It reveals more than words sometimes.
Pay attention.
Take a look at these signs.
Maybe, they will help you discern the truth from lies.
Here you go.
1. Pick up on their posture.
2. Look them in the eye.
3. Notice the rate of their movements.
4. Pay attention to their story.
5. Lean in, particularly, if they are leaning away.
6. Take stock of their response.
7. Pay attention to how they shake their head.
8. Pick up on any difference in their behavior.
9. Trust your gut.
Do not be afraid to admit what you see.
Don’t make excuses for their behavior.
After all, seeing is believing!
Photo and source:


By Vernalee

Is this person the right one for me?
Though a simple question, it is loaded!
And of course, its better to ask up front than later.
So, let’s ask some serious ones and obtain the answers before uniting decisions are made.
Look before your leap.
According to relationship experts,
Here are eight questions to seriously consider.
Here we go.
Commitment means different things to different people.
Know what commitment means for both of you. Some would consider themselves in a committed relationship when there is sexual exclusivity. Others don’t feel secure in their relationship without a marriage certificate.
Listen To Your Body To Know If A Person Is The Right One For You.
Consider these three variables when deciding if a person is worth your investment in a committed relationship: 1) What your body tells you 2) If the person is sincere 3) The quality of communications within the relationship.
Ask Yourself “Is My Partner Genuine?” Discover the true nature of your partner. Many people try to sell a better version of themselves in the beginning of a relationship that they often don’t live up to. Before jumping into a committed relationship, one must ask: “Do I really know this person and trust that they are who they represent themselves to be in this union?”
Make Sure That The Communication Is Worth Your Commitment.
There are several insightful signs to look for when evaluating the quality of communication within the relationship. For example, you should make sure that you want to share all news, good or bad, with each other and laugh together.
Make Sure That You Are Truly In Love Before Committing.
Answer and ponder very profound and difficult questions when deciding whether to take the plunge. Focus on the concept of commitment by making the commitment process leading with your wants and needs, and not just your partner’s.
Decide Whether You Want To Live Together Before Marriage.
ClearLy, there are pros and cons to living together before marriage. While it’s nice to have your partner next to you in bed every night and to have him or her there to share household chores or rent payments, it’s also important that you know your partner’s true feelings and purpose surrounding the marriage.
Be Emotionally, Financially & Psychologically Prepared For A Committed Relationship.
Couples should be aware of the effects that external factors can have on a committed relationship, and that it can be healthy for a committed relationship when both parties are individually secure within themselves and with their jobs. Marriage demonstrates the highest level of commitment that two individuals can show one another. Marriage and commitment require accountability and maturity.
Men Should Be Encouraged To Be Involved In The Planning Of A Wedding.
If a committed relationship is destined to turn into a marriage, relationship advice is get men involved in the planning of the ceremony and reception party. If you have made the decision to unite and plant your love garden together, shouldn’t everything be decided as a team right from the beginning?”
Depending on the answers to questions 2-8, Question 1 (The wedding) may be null and void. Thank goodness that the questions are in descending order.
Oh well, at least you’ll know the answers before jumping the broom.
There you have it.
If it is a no go, there may be “One less bell to answer; one less egg to fry.”
The remaining chorus to this Fifth Dimensions song is “and all I do is cry!”
Hopefully, the ending doesn’t produce heartaches and tears, but if it is the wrong mate, perhsps it is better to cry now than later?
Photo credit:; Source:


By Vernalee
What happens once the honeymoon is over; once you find out that he is not perfect? What happens when you hit bumps in the road?
You can leave or stay.
By golly, if it is the right person, you want to stay and work things out!
But how?
Let’s face it!
Relationships are hard; they are challenging. Despite it all, nothing beats cozy companionship and knowing that someone who cares about you is in your corner.
I have frequently said to my significant other, “Talking to you doesn’t make the problem go away, but it’s comforting when you listen; when you hold my hand. It lightens my load; for the moment at least.”
With that being said, nothing beats two way communications.
So, if you want to keep the home fire burning with your love Jones,
I’ll tell you a million dollar secret.
In fact, let’s Vernalize this phrase.
Relationships work when we work on them!
So if you are up for a challenge, let’s take a relationship dive so that when we come up for air, we are smelling tantalizing fragrances of sweet roses and all that comes with it.
Here we go.
Are you ready for the Countdown.
Ready, Set, Go!
Day 1-30:
1. Cuddle up to watch a movie.
2. Go for a late night walk and watch the sunset together.
3. Make your partner’s favorite meal and crack open some wine.
4. Leave your partner a cute little post it note telling them how much you love them.
5. Sign up for a class together; dancing, poetry, anything!
6. Treat your other half to a relaxing massage.
7. Take a sensual bath/shower together.
8. Surprise your partner with breakfast in bed.
9. Go and see the movie your love has been waiting to see.
10. Take a look through some old photos you took when you started dating.
11. Arrange a romantic picnic with some amazing scenery and views.
12. Go for a morning run together.
13. Book a weekend mini break.
14. Have a technology free day & just talk.
15. Put on some music and slow dance together.
16. Write down 3 things that you love about your partner & hide them around the house. It’s treasure hunt time.
17. Make passionate love.
18. Go on a date to a fancy restaurant.
19. Get a little hands on and kiss passionately.
20. Do something spontaneously for your partner.
21. Buy some sexy lingerie and model it.
22. Bake a cake together.
23. Go for a drive & head to your favorite spot.
24. Stay up late talking & laughing.
25. Complete a puzzle together.
26. Go on a double date.
27. Dress up, head out, and go dancing.
28. Go to see a show or concert together.
29. Indulge in some serious PDA.
30. Leave your partner a sexy voicemail.
I can’t wait to see what happens!
Let’s come back next month on day 31, compare notes, and see how we did!
Splish, splash!
Photo Credit:; Source:


By Vernalee
Is he getting off cheap? Are you getting the short end of the stick? Are you guilty of being too reticent to ask or push the buttons? Does he take advantage of your reticence? If you could put his love in a container, how much would you have? Is a container big enough? Questions on questions abound. The truth always rises to the top.
Check this out.
Listen to the stories.
Here’s one.
Rumor has it that she (the girlfriend, that is) has two cars and a plush house that the boyfriend purchased. Exquisite attire, furs, jewelry, and designer bags line the walls of her closet. Exotic trips to lands afar are vacations of pleasure; all courtesy of the boyfriend. Mind you, I said boyfriend, not husband!
They’re in a committed relationship, but not married yet.
The old folks would say that she is a “well kept” woman.
How and why
Obviously, he loves her and wants to adorn her with pleasantries.
Some might ask, “Is this a pay to play system? Or is it a man doing what a man does when he loves and adores the woman in his life? He treasures her with goodies of all types; with love and kindness.
Recently, speaking on harmonious marriages, I heard a pastor say that most men just need two things – sexual gratification and the remote control. Women, he said on the other hand need ten to twenty things. This recognition is a mature acknowledgement and understanding of a woman’s chemistry/emotionality and what it takes to show her that you care. Beyond being shown, she needs to hear the sweet words of love being whispered into her ears and to feel the gentleness of her man’s touch.
Keeping it simple, there are four things that a man can do to show love:
1. Say “I love you” – regularly.
2. Give tokens of affection.
3. PDA – Show Physical Displays of Affection.
4. Connecting – Being together on a consistent basis; alone, and with family and friends.
Let’s get to the meat of the matter and move away from litanies of excuses. Excuses that are given too often to justify lack; excuses that are tired of being heard. Admittance is the first step needed to move forward.
Thus, it begs to ask if you are an independent woman or a woman who asks for little, should your man adorn you with much? Of course! Be careful!
Men – Don’t be caught in a bad position. One day, the person that you gave little when you could have given much will get tired of being low on the food chain; or one day you may meet your match.
If you need to make a change, it’s never too late. Stand up and be counted!
Stop being in denial!
Stop trying to convince yourself that you are generous of your time and resources, when you know that you are not!
Be true to thine self!
You know better than most! You can say whatever you want, but you can’t justify what you don’t do! There is always residual evidence. The proof is in the pudding!
Stop the madness!
If there is true love, you never have to be asked. You just do! You give freely to each other. You become gifts to each other. Untie the bow! Now that’s what I’m talking about!
Photo credit: www.pininterest; Source:

PostHeaderIcon 9 SIGNS OF A MAN’S LOVE

By Vernalee

He loves me. He loves me not.
We are familiar with that nursery rhyme and its scenic demonstration of picking petals off of flowers. If the last petal ends with “he loves me,” then love is in the air.
Childish; right?
For certain, love is not a game.
Quite the contrary!
Love is a powerful emotion.
We women desire the love and affection from our man; and vice versa.
Many times, we want to hear him whisper the words, “I love you.”
Are the words more important than the actions?
Would you rather that he shows you than tell you?
Or are you one of those who wants a combination of both?
Don’t answer!
That is why this caption, 9 Signs of a Man’s love, stopped many of the female homo sapiens in our tracks.
Let’s take a look at the “man” signs of this emotion called – LOVE.
Here we go!
1. He caters to you.
2. He wants to hang out with you … a lot.
3. Sex isn’t the main factor for him.
4. He keeps you in mind when making major decisions.
5. He tells you things he’s never told anyone.
6. He doesn’t flirt with other women.
7. He doesn’t mind talking about the future.
8. He shows you off.
9. He loves making you feel special.
Stop being greedy!
Is 9 enough or do you want 10 reasons?
Your number is yours, but having a man who loves, adores, respects, admires, cares … and shows it … is good enough for many!
He will extraordinarily and habitually do so in all ways.
That is the hope.
That is what counts; right?
Photo credit and Source:


By Vernalee
To bring home the bacon means to earn money, particularly for one’s family; to be successful, especially financially successful; to supply means of subsistence; earn a living; attain success or reach a desired goal.
For years, the man held the distinction of being the primary wage earner and the person who made the most money. That trend is changing.
Women nowadays not only take care of their households, but in many cases also bring home the most bacon.
According to the NY Times, the median household income for married women who earn more than their husbands — more often White, slightly older and college educated — is $80,000.
When the wife is the primary breadwinner, the total family income is generally higher.
Check out this statistic: One fourth of women earn more than their husbands.
What happens to the family when the woman rises to the top and assumes this role? Here is where the debate and varying opinions occur.
Some say that it is a recipe for disaster. Others say that the family is better off. A selected group contends that it’s not just about the dollars. There is a group of men who find not being the top breadwinner a little unsettling. They feel that their role is being threatened.
Then there are the selected women who also hold the role of top breadwinners who allege unfairness in that they still bear the majority responsibility of child rearing and the abundant housework. Let’s not forget the traditional theory that children turn out better when the Mother stays home.
Alright, let me ask one more question. Regardless of whose pockets are the deepest – Who should pay the bill in the restaurant; the man or the woman? Some say the man; some say it doesn’t matter; others say why blow a gasket!
There is as much agreement as there is disagreement. Where is the balance? It is a tug of war. Is there a universal answer or does it depend upon the individual family?
Remember this: Bacon fits nicely between toasted bread…no matter what!
So when a woman “bring home the bacon and is the top breadwinner,” it’s too much for some traditionalists.
What do you think?
A penny – and a slice of bacon on toast with grape jelly – for your thoughts!
Photo credit:

PostHeaderIcon HOW TO – STAY IN LOVE

By Vernalee
Being in love, loving someone and being loved back are incredible emotions and feelings that we all desire. Hearing the three words, “I love you” can lift you up, send chills down your spine, make you feel brand you, among other feelings; some of which are indescribable. The words and their accompaniments have medicinal effects. To love and be loved require attention and meticulous care. Sometimes, we win; sometimes we lose. The ideal is to find that right balance alongside the right words, behaviors, and actions.
Based upon feedback from my followers, the “Stuff We Talk About” daily blog is introducing a new feature called the “How To’s”. No one knows how to do it all. Neither do we have all the right answers. In this new “How To” series, we will bring to you the opinions and findings from the experts who will share their expertise on related matters. To start this series, our first post deals with the greatest emotion of all – love.
Love is not hard. Staying in love and doing what the essence of love requires have its challenges.
Several experts tell us how to stay in love with each other. Let’s take a look.
Opinion #1 – How to Stay in Love:
1. Listen.
2. Value each other.
3. Forgive.
4. Laugh together.
5. Be kind.
6. Flirt (with each other through words and actions).
7. Protect.
Opinion #2 – How to Stay in Love:
“Relationships don’t coast by on autopilot. They need active effort to keep the love alive. Here are six secrets to stay in love forever:
1. “Us” Time: You may spend lots of time with each other but is it quality time? Whether it’s a weekly date night, a few overnights, or an extended vacation, make sure that you have time where you can focus exclusively on each other.
2. Connect throughout the day: Do you remember when you first met? You may have been so excited to see each other that you used every spare moment to call each other even when you were apart. It’s worth revisiting some of your old practices that you engaged in when your love for each other seemed all encompassing. Make an effort to connect with each other throughout the day. Send a short text message or email to let your significant other/spouse know that you’re thinking about him/her. These regular connections during the day will keep the positive feelings flowing and make your time together that much more meaningful.
3. Give Appreciations: It’s so easy to notice the flaws and take the virtues for granted. We need to throw out this recipe for resentment. Instead make it a habit to express gratitude and overlook their faults. Daily appreciations will help you not lose sight of all the good your mate does for you. You’ll also get in the habit of focusing on the positive and your mate will feel loved. Make a few minutes a day to include appreciations in your routine. Sit down and look into each other’s eyes and share what you appreciate about what your mate did for you today or a quality that he/she possesses.
4. Try new things: Don’t let your relationship get stale. Try new things together. When you were dating you may have done new activities together. How exciting is your relationship? Experiment. Take something new together and you’ll see how it will liven up your relationship. Even if you don’t have the same interests, you can still have fun together.
5. Make your mate laugh: Laughing can create the same chemical bond as intimacy. Couples can get bogged down in the heaviness and stress of life. Negativity can permeate the atmosphere and ruin all attempts to connect, even on a nice vacation. Infusing laughter into your relationship can cut through the stress faster than anything else.
6. Praise your mate’s physical appearance: While this may be more important to women than men, it is a nice gesture to positively comment on appearance. As we age and begin to feel self-conscious about our looks, it’s really helpful to know that you still find each other attractive.”
Opinion # 3 – How to Stay in Love:
Five Choices to help you stay in love:
1. Learn to love yourself.
2. Take it slow.
3. Ask in-depth questions
4. Don’t shy away from conflict.
5. Appreciation rather than judgment.
There you have it. The experts have given us solid advice. They have spoken! We just need to follow the roadmap!
Photo credit: ww.quote Source:;;

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