By Vernalee
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Fourth of July! Kaboom! Snap, crackle, pop! Look at the explosion in the blue atmosphere!

Everyone loves to look at fireworks. The picturesque creation in the air, the buzzing sounds, and the excitement leave you desirous to see the fanciful artwork globally created from a small cherry bomb. It spreads like wildfire and magnificently lights up the sky to the Heavens.

Fireworks and sex have so much in common; more than you think in fact.
Fireworks can be sexy. Sex can produce figurative fireworks of excitement. Fireworks burst in thin air; sex bursts inside. Fireworks generate colorful renditions on the ground or in the air; sex creates orgasmic explosions. Fireworks grow bigger and bigger as they explode; sex grows into embryonic pleasures that we call babies. Fireworks are for everyone to see; sex is a private affair of intimacy desiring not to be publicly viewed lest than a freak show. The comparisons and artistic similarities can go on for days, but you get the point, I am sure!

What is a Fourth of July celebration without fireworks? Some may say boring, as the colorful firework demonstrations are an annual tradition as one views its magnificent sparky demonstrations and shootings in the sky. When there is no sex, there is no fireworks; no explosions. Like a defective firecracker, your lack of intimacy has no splash; it becomes boring. What do you do? Can excitement be conjured up when sex has lost its explosiveness and becomes lackluster? Will B.B King’s rendition of “The Thrill is Gone” become the verses that are sung or will it be a more upbeat festive tune?

Some men deal with signs of losing their sexual spunk like a prize fighter in the ring determined to be victorious in the bedroom. They will knock the day lights out of impotence and sluggish sex drives by substituting Viagra, Cialis, sex pumps, sexually explicit / pornographic movies, vitamins or other sexual stimulants. Next, cometh the sexual toys, experimentation with unbelievable foreplay, and demonstrations of every romantic move in the book to restore his once vivacious teenage sex drive. Speaking of a modern era Jack LaLanne! You can’t blame a guy for pulling out all the stops to sexually please his woman; in the process he becomes satisfied himself. What a selfish devil! Once the smarty pants realize that he can create bountiful excitement and please his mate beyond mere penetration; the sky is the limit. Accordingly, his mate loves him for his herculean efforts. Oh my! The two explode in sexual ecstasy together. Together, they explore new horizons and adventures in sexual excitement. The man who is willing to reinvent his sexual life deserves a thunderous applause.

Now, let’s address the “push it under the rug” man. The irony occurs when he attempts to disguise, hide, or ignore his condition. How can he hide or run away from a condition that he and his lady know exist. What a mockery! He cannot hide his impotence not even from himself! We realize that many men are embarrassed to admit, accept, or even talk about this sensitive issue. It is a mental, psychological, and physical “beat down” to his ego, manhood and pride. A male’s identity is captured and defined by that organ that hangs between his legs. Smart men seek medical advice and treatment. Since our culture has further defined a man, in part, by his ability to use his ding dong, is a man really a man without the ability to have sex? Let’s face it. Are they vacating their stud muffin role?
The issue can become more complicated. What if impotence hits him in his prime; in his 30’s, 40’s or 50’s? Not being able to have an erection, and losing steam quickly are derivative forms of impotence. He knows if his tire is flat; the obviousness is within eyesight. If he refuses to blow it up, he is soft and deflated; his woman is left – on empty and unsatisfied. So much for metaphorical references to cars for this is real! For those males seeking Oscar nominations, the acting continues as he seeks to camouflage, avoid, or fool his female paramour. In all candor, he ends up fooling himself. A laughing stock, he becomes. The best void of debauchery is when he avoids relevant social contact, (evening hours, spending the night) that would be conducive to intimacy encounters. Just pull her up to the front door and drive off in the sunset. What was he thinking? When men assume that women are unaware of what they are doing or contemplating, woe to them. How dumb! We can connect the dots. Haven’t they heard of women intuition, the sixth sense of a woman? Have they forgotten that women raise their sons and are all too familiar? Deception is irking!

A complete flabbergast is the understanding woman who cares deeply for him and has been by his side willing to accept his lack of performance. Why? It’s simple; she cares! She is not only ignored; her feelings are tossed out of the window. Because of her emotional attachment to him, her compassion makes her sympathetic. She recognizes the medical implications, complications, causes, and side effects of it all! Yet, she becomes the doormat for his debauchery. The impotent shortcomings are one thing; the game playing is another. How about that for inconsideration?


It is amazing how marvelously our bodies are designed! When men slow down, many women are in their peak sexual season. A male friend once said, “The good Lord purposely slowed down man. Had he not, there would be 60, 70, and 80 year old lads causing horrendous sexual havoc. The world would have a mess on its hands.” The less men have to offer; the more we as women want. It never fails! Their weakened stamina does not lessen a woman’s desire to be touched, held, stimulated, and fulfilled. Sad, but true! In this case, less is not more. A sexually unsatisfied woman can be a dangerous specimen particularly when mixed with a dose of a man who ignorantly submerges his intimacy issues while simultaneously ignoring her desires and her love. Sex is a fundamental component of a loving relationship; a natural extension of life. The lack of it breeds chaos. It is a known fact that men cheat to satisfy their sexual appetite. What is the woman’s recourse? Does she find a satisfier? Women can be bubbly and energetically filled with the same outreaches. I don’t mean to be vulgar, but please understand. Our intensity, desire, and sexual vibrancy didn’t leave when his hardness escaped him. When his soft penis cannot enter, move around, or stimulate the sugar walls of a vagina, it is not the woman’s problem, it is his!

Sexually, we women can become as hot as boiling water, 212 degrees Fahrenheit to be exact. Our internal fireworks are always in explosive mode. We just have to get our guys to the same spot that we are. Either they can cool us down or we can heat them up. For those women who are so willing to assist a man whose impotence has ripped him at the seams, the two can become a team. For those guys who ignore the situation, it’s hard to predict the outcome. Unfortunately, the impotence problem does not go away, but he can change his modus operandi; his views, his actions. With love, caring, and understanding, she can meet him half way. “Together they stand; divided they fall.”
For those pretentious guys…hey dude, open your eyes to view a loving, Tammy Wynette, “stand by her man” type of woman. See her integrity. Don’t be blind; don’t be unappreciative. You could have a woman with opposite traits. A man with lessen sexual capacities can be bamboozled to shame if his sexual partner reveals his deficiencies. Oh my, pray that she doesn’t broadcast your shortcomings! The helping hands of an understanding woman opened to experimentation, what a blessing, she is. She will not throw her man out with the bath water because he cannot satisfactorily perform. Because of her compassion, she will not abandon her man and leave him on the side of the road even though he has a flat tire or more accurately stated – a deflated penis.
This topic of impotence is the most delicate of the delicacies. However, there comes a time when it is necessary to break the silence and stop dancing around the issues. He has to reboot; so that he can put his boots under his woman’s bed! She deserves full compensation and rendering of his services too!

Bottom line: The results rest with him and what he does. Who can judge his performance, better than his mate? He can improvise his sexual routines and spruce up his creativity to produce effectiveness. The outcome is in his hands, his heart, his soul, and his penis, to be politely blunt. Be it either positive, negative, or in between. He has to stand up and be a man! His age and maturity will show in his deliverables. She and he will feel the effects on the bed sheets. Hopefully, all can be tucked and kept behind closed doors in their sanctuary. If the two of them can experience their sexual utopia together, progress has been made; the door can be swung opened until the next time; the next romantic adventure. A life in sexual paradise awaits them.

This subject of impotence (unlike the spontaneous man that is called “quick draw McGraw, wham bam thank you ma’am”) – simply could not be said in a jack flash minute. Impotence is a highly sensitive, private subject that a loving, conscientious woman rarely discusses because she doesn’t want to hurt the feelings of her man. She cares too much for him than to embarrass him. When and if he recognizes the depth of her emotions, he will understand that she is suffering too!
Men, do know that women, without spilling the beans, discuss sex as much as guys. Although impotence and erectile dysfunction are extremely delicate and sensitive matters, a concerned man would rather have his mate find solace and ask questions of him than discuss the issues with a male colleague.
Remember, “Coming together is a beginning; working together is progress.” A loving woman and man coming together and working together make a loving couple. With love, caring, and understanding, all can be conquered.

Photo Reprint: Don Northrup USA Display