Posts Tagged ‘friendship’


By Vernalee
In 1984, hip hop group, Whodini had an amazing hit. It was called “Friends/How many of you have them?” The lyrics are quite deep. I invite you to listen. In this journey of friendships, we meet many people who we considered to be our friends; some became actual friends; some are still around; and others were fake. Time and actions will tell us who’s who. It always does. We will learn the inaccuracy of the more the friends, the merrier; it’s not the number, but the sincerity.
“Being a good friend isn’t always easy, but taking the time to nurture a lasting friendship is worth every ounce of effort. As the years pass, some people will stay by your side, but many won’t, and you’ll realize that each friendship you keep is priceless. Of course, to have a good friend, you must be one.”
My daughter always says, “Mommy, I want to have friends like yours!” Admittedly, I have a few good friends. I believe that you often attract who you are. I am blessed to have lasting friendships; many of which have been around for decades. They care; I care. I love them; they love me. We have laughed together, cried together, shared secrets that can never be told, and been there for each other. Geography may in some cases separate us, but the closeness in our souls is uncanny. Making friends and keeping them is no easy task. It’s work! We all fall short and need regular reinforcers. Just like everything else, the more we work at it, the better we become.
To be a good friend and deepen a friendship, let’s see what the experts say and examine our behavior to see how many of the following steps we take or need to take to become trust worthy, supportive, and make our friendships last. Here we go:
Being Trustworthy:
1. Keep your promises.
2. Apologize when you’ve made a mistake.
3. Be honest.
4. Don’t use people.
5. Be loyal.
6. Be respectful.
Being Supportive:
1. Be selfless.
2. Be a good listener.
3. Help your friends deal with their struggles.
4. Be there in a time of crisis.
5. Give thoughtful advice.
6. Give your friend some space when he/she needs it.
Making your friendship last:
1. Learn to forgive.
2. Accept your friend for who he/she is.
3. Go beyond.
4. Stay in touch no matter what.
5. Let your friendship evolve.
Now all of us are busy. Don’t let your friendship suffer.
Here are a few things that you can do to maintain your friendship during those busy moments.
1. Make a date. Get on their calendar.
2. Your phone is always with you. Use it religiously to call, email, and
3. Go big. Double up. Make the most of your time. Get groups of friends
4. Practice random acts of kindness.
5. Use Social media.
6. Be choosy about your friendships.
Since friendships take work. Add these tidbits to your list.
1. Make sure they’re okay the moment you sense something wrong. …
2. Know when to be serious and when to be goofy. …
3. Go the extra mile when they ask for help. …
4. Don’t give up on them during their darkest hours. …
5. Make them feel wanted. …
6. Tell them, “I’ve always got your back,” at least once (and mean it.)
Are you a good friend? Are you there for your friends? Do you care for them and love them? Are you respectful of them and their time? Are you envious and jealous of their accomplishments or happy and delighted that they succeed? What’s the answer? Don’t ask me! Ask your friends!
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PostHeaderIcon Keep your friends close and your enemies closer!

By Vernalee
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I would not in a million years have thought that the person in question could be that ruthless or sinister. He didn’t look like he would hurt a fly. How many times must we be reminded that looks are deceiving? So when I heard of the betrayal, I was flabbergasted; speechless to be exact! What hypocrisy! Why was I startled? Jesus was betrayed by one who was within his midst! Some folks asked, “How did she allow this to happen?” Not me; that question never entered my mind! I know how closeness facilitates the removal of one’s inner fence. We let our guards down with folks that we feel that we can trust; people that we feel are 100% loyal and are on our side! After all, they are our close friends, confidantes; in some cases lovers. Those are the ones who become razor thin close; too close for comfort. Down comes our barriers and protective shields. “Familiarity does breed contempt.” It is easy to throw caution to the wind when you think that your friend is committed to your well being. Friends, they are not! In fact, they need to be thrown out of your circle. As the saying goes, “Know your circle. Know who’s in your boat. If they are drilling holes and not rowing, your boat will sink!” Forget letting them in. Activate the alarm if they come too close to the circumference. Don’t become easy prey; “in range” target practice for the ill-intended. Don’t mourn the loss of so- called friends; celebrate the fact that you identified who they were. It’s annihilation time! It is imperative that we “reboot; that we keep our guards up.” We must daily wear our weighty protective gear, though heavy it becomes! We must keep our friends close and our enemies closer. Regretful, it is when there is difficulty in discerning who’s who. At least, we have vision of both!
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By Vernalee
Yes, I am still on the topic of FRIENDSHIP.
The topic never grows old.
So let’s examine our wish list.
It is unreasonable to expect from others what you are not willing to give.
That sounds hypocritical…don’t you think?
So whatever attributes you desire in and from a friend, you should be willing to give to a friend.
Fair play; agreed?.
Listen up.
1. Avoid competition.
2. Avoid gossip.
3. Confront wisely.
4. Forgive.
5. Maintain friendships through different stages of life.
6. Celebrate best friends.
7. Let your friendships serve as a mirror.
8. Allow unexpected friendships to change you, if needed.
9. Help create a healthy community of friends.
10. Deal with space.
11. Explore your expectations.
12. Befriend yourself.
Who can you confidentially talk to and get the best possible advice?
Who wants you to succeed no matter what? Who will be there for you when everyone walks away?
Who will be there when you are up, down or turnaround? Everyone needs someone. No one is an island.
Having a true friend is valuable. True friendship doesn’t come around often.
If you have one true friend, you are lucky. Two – would be a steal!
When you find a true friend, keep him or her close. Don’t ask for something that you are not willing to give! Think of others; do for others. Don’t be a talker only; show that you care. Cherish being a true friend as much as having a true friend! It’s a treasure!
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PostHeaderIcon Settling a disagreement - 2 arguing women By Vernalee

When a close friend and a family member (or two close friends) start a feud, it is an uncomfortable position because you love them both.  Speaking of being the “woman in the middle,” this quandary is not a soft landing spot.  How do you maintain your neutrality?  How do you handle this hot bed of coals?

Nothing beats honesty!  Being a mediator is ideally an optimal role.

Optimistically , both sides will listen so that they can restore the closeness and harmony that they once enjoyed.  If nothing works, the saving grace is that the ownership of their feud belongs to them.  Although it is painfully troubling to see their fragmentation; hopefully, they will eventually work things out. Nonetheless, this problem is theirs exclusively.   I have my hands full with my own issues!

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