Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

PostHeaderIcon RELATIONSHIPS – TOP 8 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE COMMITTING

By Vernalee

Is this person the right one for me?
Though a simple question, it is loaded!
And of course, its better to ask up front than later.
So, let’s ask some serious ones and obtain the answers before uniting decisions are made.
Look before your leap.
According to relationship experts,
Here are eight questions to seriously consider.
Here we go.
8 “ARE WE COMMITTED?
Commitment means different things to different people.
Know what commitment means for both of you. Some would consider themselves in a committed relationship when there is sexual exclusivity. Others don’t feel secure in their relationship without a marriage certificate.
7 ARE WE A GOOD MATCH?
Listen To Your Body To Know If A Person Is The Right One For You.
Consider these three variables when deciding if a person is worth your investment in a committed relationship: 1) What your body tells you 2) If the person is sincere 3) The quality of communications within the relationship.
6 ARE YOU GENUINE?
Ask Yourself “Is My Partner Genuine?” Discover the true nature of your partner. Many people try to sell a better version of themselves in the beginning of a relationship that they often don’t live up to. Before jumping into a committed relationship, one must ask: “Do I really know this person and trust that they are who they represent themselves to be in this union?”
5 IS COMMUNICATIONS REALLY THERE?
Make Sure That The Communication Is Worth Your Commitment.
There are several insightful signs to look for when evaluating the quality of communication within the relationship. For example, you should make sure that you want to share all news, good or bad, with each other and laugh together.
4 ARE WE IN LOVE?
Make Sure That You Are Truly In Love Before Committing.
Answer and ponder very profound and difficult questions when deciding whether to take the plunge. Focus on the concept of commitment by making the commitment process leading with your wants and needs, and not just your partner’s.
3 SHOULD WE LIVE TOGETHER?
Decide Whether You Want To Live Together Before Marriage.
ClearLy, there are pros and cons to living together before marriage. While it’s nice to have your partner next to you in bed every night and to have him or her there to share household chores or rent payments, it’s also important that you know your partner’s true feelings and purpose surrounding the marriage.
2 ARE YOU FINANCIALLY DEPENDENT?
Be Emotionally, Financially & Psychologically Prepared For A Committed Relationship.
Couples should be aware of the effects that external factors can have on a committed relationship, and that it can be healthy for a committed relationship when both parties are individually secure within themselves and with their jobs. Marriage demonstrates the highest level of commitment that two individuals can show one another. Marriage and commitment require accountability and maturity.
1 WHO SHOULD PLAN THE WEDDING?
Men Should Be Encouraged To Be Involved In The Planning Of A Wedding.
If a committed relationship is destined to turn into a marriage, relationship advice is get men involved in the planning of the ceremony and reception party. If you have made the decision to unite and plant your love garden together, shouldn’t everything be decided as a team right from the beginning?”
Depending on the answers to questions 2-8, Question 1 (The wedding) may be null and void. Thank goodness that the questions are in descending order.
Oh well, at least you’ll know the answers before jumping the broom.
There you have it.
If it is a no go, there may be “One less bell to answer; one less egg to fry.”
The remaining chorus to this Fifth Dimensions song is “and all I do is cry!”
Hopefully, the ending doesn’t produce heartaches and tears, but if it is the wrong mate, perhsps it is better to cry now than later?
Right?
Photo credit: www.msn.com; Source: www.lovendar.com

PostHeaderIcon YOU NEVER MISS YOUR WATER UNTIL YOUR WELL RUNS DRY

By Vernalee
well - commons.wikipedia.org
Don’t let this be your story.
Mr. John Doe is sitting at the bar telling the bartender and everyone that would listen “his somebody done somebody wrong story.”
For certain, the bartender got an ear full! “Yea man, she was the best woman I ever had. She cooked; she cleaned; she treated me like a king! I did her wrong. I took her for granted.”
As he ordered another beer, the bartender said, “You’ll be alright. Just go home, take her some roses, and show her how much you love her.”
Mr. Doe looked him in the eyes and said, “Wish I could, but she left me. My life has been a hot mess since she walked out the door. It’s been two weeks and I haven’t seen or heard from her. I’m about to lose my mind!”
Gulping down the Colt 45, he said, “I never thought that I would admit this but it’s true.
You never miss your water until your well run dry! I am a living testimony. Without her, I am empty! I miss her terribly!”
A hint to the wise is sufficient.

If this is your story, change now before you go fetch a pail of water and the bucket comes up empty!
Photo reprint: www.commonswikipedia.org

PostHeaderIcon LEFT OUT IN THE COLD?

By Vernalee
Be left out in the cold means
Brrr!
I am sure that you have heard the expression, “You left me out in the cold.” Exactly what does that mean?
I’m glad that you asked!
It means to not allow someone to become part of a group or an activity or to not inform someone as to what is happening or has happened. The person who is orchestrating this process purposefully alienated, excluded, or barred information or support from another person.
You may ask, “What’s wrong with that?” “Isn’t it the prerogative of a person to share or not share what he/she desires?”
Of course, the freedom of choice is always an option that is reserved to the person making the decisions.
Generally speaking, it is their prerogative.
They are well within their rights to do whatever they please. But that conclusion can be drawn for just about everything or any situation in life. Therefore, it is always the spirit and intent of an action that underscore the true meaning.
Sometimes, protecting and excluding information may be well intended; other times, it is blatantly malicious and unscrupulous. In those cases, it changes the flavor.
This process can occasionally backfire if the person that was left out in the cold freezing elements has the wisdom and wherewithal to bring warmth and knowledge that actually lead to progression rather than failure? You may have even intentionally added fuel to the fire and attempted to freeze the person out. You failed to realize that the coldness becomes less frigid when there is movement.
Don’t underestimate their intelligence or expect the person to stand still in the cold! The intelligent ones learn to adjust and adapt to the freezing atmosphere. It is amazing the survival techniques that are acquired when someone’s back is up against the walls.
Alright, here’s the kicker.
Don’t be surprised if the person that you locked out becomes smarter than you. To survive, they learned how to weather the storm. Please don’t get angry when they build a fire, evaporate the icicles, and clothe themselves warmly to resist the coldness.
And … for goodness sakes, don’t be shocked when and if they light a fire up under you! Your intended alienation brought out the best in them! It backfired!
Fairplay, I’ll say.
Now, you can credit yourself with creating a diehard survivor who may outlast you!
Your treatment to them – showed them the ropes.
You taught them!
Tney acquired the knowledge and developed the skill set from watching you.
Sometimes, the student becomes the teacher. It’s role reversal at its best.
Amazing; isn’t it!
Look … Who’s out in the cold and shivering now?

PostHeaderIcon IS THERE A WALL UP IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

By Vernalee
image
How do you tear down a wall that you cannot see? Is there an emotional wall up in your relationship? Are there things that should be addressed that remain standing?
Maybe, the issues are so delicate that you prefer not to address them. However, they will not magically disappear. Perhaps, if you delicately and strategically attack the issues, you won’t be met with resistance from your partner. Receptivity is your goal.
His guards are up; your mouth is closed; and of course, the problem behind the wall remains. What a triad!
Here comes the auxiliary problem.
Sometimes the issues take roots, multiply, and grow.
It’s not healthy for your relationship well-being, you, or him.
Walls are built for protection. You can’t protect issues that will penetrate beyond the fence that you and him have built. Besides, who and what are you protecting? How do you show how much you really care?
Well, if this invisible wall is keeping you from progressing, you have to tear it down; that is – if you wish to move forward.
You must gingerly remove the bricks one by one.
To do so, here are a few recommendations.
1. Share your feelings.
2. Create a safe place.
3. Work on a plan.
According to the columnist, Ask Jen, “Your loved one’s walls may never come completely down, but at least you can be standing on the right side of the wall so that the two of you can face the problems together as a team.” Breaking through your partner’s walls is a difficult challenge, but one that you must drive a bulldozer through if you want your relationship to work and flourish. All of this rhetoric and advice provide excellent remedies; don’t they? Moving from the theoretical to the practical is another thing.
Pushing the button is hard; getting the nerves to address the issue is harder. Doing nothing is worst!

PostHeaderIcon THE INVISIBLE BOYFRIEND

By Vernalee
out cast radio.net
Recently, on The Today Show there was a featured segment called “The Invisible Boyfriend.”
Yes, It’s real!
If you don’t believe me, google it. “The Invisible Boyfriend” is a service that gives you “real world and social proof that you are in a relationship.”
Yep, it is a website whereby you can send text messages and communicate to a nonexistent person…and he answers back! You can also create on this website an invisible boyfriend with all the features that you want in a man. What an exciting apparition!
Then I masterfully reflected upon another brilliant discovery! What about those real life boyfriends whose behaviors, or shall I say lack thereof, make them invisible?
Ladies, how many stories can you confidentially share about them beyond the theoretical? You know the things that they should do, but don’t; the things that make them invisible! These guys fit the category of being real in the flesh and the relationship, but invisible in deeds and in satisfying their partners’ physical, emotional , sexual, et al needs?
Alright for my male readers, don’t get angry; there is equality! I understand that there is an “Invisible Girlfriend” category too. Click it if you like. If you have been an invisible boyfriend, you have a heads up! She, the Invisible Girlfriend, has all of the identicable characteristics that you possess! “Takes one to know one!”
I wonder how you will like someone who does to you what you do to others! Fair play is tough!
Photo credit: www.outcastradio.net

PostHeaderIcon THE RELATIONSHIP QUIZ

By Vernalee
IMG_0261
Relationships; good times, bad times, making it work times, getting to and achieving love and happiness times.
Relationships – What an interesting topic!
Relationships are unique and so are the problems and the solutions.
All I can say is, “If you find one that can work, work with it.”
Happy relationships are worth their weight in gold.
Agreed?
Happiness beats heartbreaks.
Heartbreaks are heartbreaking; no matter how thin you slice it.
Where are you in this paradigm?
Find out!
Be experimental.
Take the relationship quiz and see where you land?
Here you go …
_________________________________________
Everyone deserves to be in a safe and healthy relationship. Do you know if your relationship is healthy? Answer yes or no to the following questions to find out. Make sure to check the boxes to record your responses.

The person I’m with…

1) Is very supportive of things that I do.

Yes

No

2) Encourages me to try new things.

Yes

No

3) Likes to listen when I have something on my mind.

Yes

No

4) Understands that I have my own life too.

Yes

No

5) Is not liked very well by my friends.

Yes

No

6) Says I’m too involved in different activities.

Yes

No

7) Texts me or calls me all the time.

Yes

No

8) Thinks I spend too much time trying to look nice.

Yes

No

9) Gets extremely jealous or possessive.

Yes

No

10) Accuses me of flirting or cheating.

Yes

No

11) Constantly checks up on me or makes me check in.

Yes

No

12) Controls what I wear or how I look.

Yes

No

13) Tries to control what I do and who I see.

Yes

No

14) Tries to keep me from seeing or talking to my family and friends.

Yes

No

15) Has big mood swings – gets angry and yells at me one minute, but is sweet and apologetic the next.

Yes

No

16) Puts me down, calls me names or criticizes me.

Yes

No

17) Makes me feel like I can’t do anything right or blames me for problems.

Yes

No

18) Makes me feel like no one else would want me.

Yes

No

19) Threatens to hurt me, my friends or family.

Yes

No

20) Threatens to hurt him or herself because of me.

Yes

No

21) Threatens to destroy my things.

Yes

No

22) Makes me feel nervous or like I’m “walking on eggshells.”

Yes

No

23) Grabs, pushes, shoves, chokes, punches, slaps, holds me down, throws things or hurts me in some way.

Yes

No

24) Breaks things or throws things to intimidate me.

Yes

No

25) Yells, screams or humiliates me in front of other people.

Yes

No

26) Pressures or forces me into having sex or going farther than I want to.

Yes

No

(Go to the “Love is Respect.org” website to take the quiz; submit to obtain the results).
_________________________________________

How did you fare with your score?
What’s your next move?
“Be true to thine self.”
It is not a pass or fail grade.
It’s your life!
Photo credit: www.quotesgram.com
Source: www.loveisrespect.org

PostHeaderIcon IF YOU LAY WITH DOGS, YOU GET UP WITH FLEAS

By Vernalee
imageA dear and loving sister girl sent me a You Tube sermon by Rev. Dr. Howard John Wesley of the Alfred Street Baptist Church in Alexandria, Virginia that absolutely blew me away. It sent electric shock waves through my body. The generic commonality of the topic is one that we can easily relate to as we select various relationships. The subject dealt with “How we identify and remove Poisonous People/Relationships from our lives.” Using a quote from Howard Thurman, Dr. Wesley stated that “our lives are shaped by two things. Where am I going? Who’s going with me.” Inseparable, purpose and partnership go hand in hand. Accordingly to Dr. Wesley as he brought his sermon from Judges Chapter 1, we connect ourselves with several levels of relationships including:
Enemies,
Strangers,
Associations,
Friends,
Family/Love,
Spouses.
The levels are intensified to include:
Intimacy,
Accessibility,
Longevity,
Vulnerability,
Accountability,
Transparency,
Reconciliation.
Intertwining scriptural references from Amos Chapter 3, Exodus Chapter 34, Ephesian Chapter 3, Psalms Chapter 1, I Peter Chapter 2, and 2 Corinthians 6:14, we are admonished to open our eyes to the character of people that we are dealing with or whom we form associations.
As we examine the Five Test of Toxicity, namely:
1. Fear
2. Admission of Wrong
3. Avoidance
4. Neediness & Self Sufficiency
5. Vision & Manipulation – it is hopeful that we can discern who God has sent into our lives accidentally and providentially. A powerful message, we know that bad associations spoil useful habits; we know that birds of the same feather flock together; and we know that if we lay down with dogs, we get up with fleas. It is not what we know. It is what we are willing to do with what we know! The choices are ours to make. Choose wisely!
Happy Sunday! God bless!
I invite you to listen to this powerful message and be blown away as I!

Photo credit: www.alfredstreet.org

PostHeaderIcon THE END OF THE ROAD

By Vernalee
image
When traveling, when we come to a dead end, we turn around. What happens when you come to the “end of the road” in a relationship? You can end it, try to revitalize it by giving it life, or just simply walk away. Or is it that simple? Of course, not!
If you have spun that far out in the far right lane, there is definitely some things that you let fall by the wayside. How often do we forget that relationships need nurturing? How many times do we overlook that this is not a singular process; its plural! There is another person in the relationship too. Remember? After all, a relationship is defined as the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. The definition refer to two, not one. Mr. Webster in his dictionary succinctly spells it out. Doesn’t he? You read it for yourself!
Yet, Gladys Knight sung about it. She said, “I’ll rather live in his world than live without him in mine.” The Motown Philly group, Boys II Men put their masculine spin on it. They harmonized…
“Although we’ve come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let you go
It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you.”
Sing it Boys! Fight for your woman!
That’s right! Some people fight to stay and be put back on course. Others, mainly the “cowardly refuse to admit their mistakes type” throw in the towel at the drop of a feather. They rationalize and make excuses about how to make themselves guilt free of any blame. Only they believe that nonsense when their heartthrob walks away!
Mississippi blues singer, Tyrone Davis provided options in his tune, “Turning Point.” Hopefully, that point is reached before it’s too late. Some of us are wise enough to know that we have to make a change and turn in a different direction to keep the one that we love and the one who is best for us on the road with us. We become wiser and put on our thinking caps when we realize that the direction that we choose to face is determined whether we are standing at the end or the beginning of the road. The end could be the beginning.
Even if we don’t listen to love songs, we should know that most things have boundaries and limits.
I admire the people who may give out, but refuse to give up. Somewhere along the road, they realized that the love journey was not just about them. They realized that there was someone traveling with them who needed love and affection too. No kidding! They learned and took heed that they do not always determine the path. The passenger has the ability to turn the wheel and change the direction too. She can drive down the road a piece; wise up; come to her senses and put you out! Then….look! Who is stranded now? I think somebody better start hitch hiking! And if you’re determined like Marvin Gaye who crooned, “I’m gonna find my girl, if I have to hitch hike all around the world,” wear comfortable shoes!
The bread of loneliness is not appetizing on a bumpy road with much turbulence!
Photo credit: ihlaking.com

PostHeaderIcon “ACT LIKE A LADY. THINK LIKE A MAN.”

By Vernalee
image
A few years back, Cleveland native Steve Harvey launched his book, “Act like a lady. Think like a man.” When the book hit the shelves, beauty and barber shop talk was overflowing. The book’s topics were the conversations of the day. Thrice divorced, Harvey cushioned his narrative on the fact that he was not an expert on marriage, but that he knew men. He presented his opinions on how men view relationships. Without a doubt, we women think differently than men. Consequently, our approaches are different. Remember, the facetious theory that – men are from Mars; women are from Venus. Go figure … and solve that equation!
Though the issues in the book are presented comically, relationships are a very serious subject. Harvey introduces several types of men including: the Mama’s Boy, the Player, the Non-Committed, the Dreamer, the Happily Married Guy and the Even Happier Divorced Guy. Ladies, I am sure that you have encountered one if not all of them. Some of you “lucky” ones have probably met a guy who exhibit traits of more than one of the types. Scary, right? As we know, Harvey’s book was later turned into a movie which for all intensive purposes had four storylines that revolved around couples who portrayed the following:
“The Mama’s Boy” vs. “The Single Mom”
“The Non-Committer” vs. “The Girl Who Wants the Ring”
“The Dreamer” vs. “The Woman Who Is Her Own Man”
“The Player” vs. “The 90 Day Rule Girl.”
Hilarious, the movie as the book will bring streams of laughter. You may laugh until you cry. Once the laughs are over, your mind regresses to realism and lands upon the great thought divide between the sexes. We ladies and our guys surely do see things differently. For certain, communications still remains the foundational key to great relationships. Sitting down, looking each other in the eyes, and truthfully talking things out are unbeatable. As old-fashioned as they may be, if these steps could be magically bottled, the mixture could be commercially offered as the formula that produces winning combinations. Open and honest communications – easy said; hard to do! However, if you are doing anything different, don’t be surprised when all goes south! Then, the jokes are off; the laughter subsides. Afterwards, no one will be laughing when your relationship goes up in smoke!
Photo credit: www.harpercollins.com

PostHeaderIcon “IF YOU LAY WITH DOGS, YOU GET UP WITH FLEAS”

By Vernalee
imageA dear and loving sister girl sent me a You Tube sermon by Rev. Dr. Howard John Wesley of the Alfred Street Baptist Church in Alexandria, Virginia that absolutely blew me away. It sent electric shock waves through my body. The generic commonality of the topic is one that we can easily relate to as we select various relationships. The subject dealt with “How we identify and remove Poisonous People/Relationships from our lives.” Using a quote from Howard Thurman, Dr. Wesley stated that “our lives are shaped by two things. Where am I going? Who’s going with me.” Inseparable, purpose and partnership go hand in hand. Accordingly to Dr. Wesley as he brought his sermon from Judges Chapter 1, we connect ourselves with several levels of relationships including:
Enemies,
Strangers,
Associations,
Friends,
Family/Love,
Spouses.
The levels are intensified to include:
Intimacy,
Accessibility,
Longevity,
Vulnerability,
Accountability,
Transparency,
Reconciliation.
Intertwining scriptural references from Amos Chapter 3, Exodus Chapter 34, Ephesian Chapter 3, Psalms Chapter 1, I Peter Chapter 2, and 2 Corinthians 6:14, we are admonished to open our eyes to the character of people that we are dealing with or whom we form associations.
As we examine the Five Test of Toxicity, namely:
1. Fear
2. Admission of Wrong
3. Avoidance
4. Neediness & Self Sufficiency
5. Vision & Manipulation – it is hopeful that we can discern who God has sent into our lives accidentally and providentially. A powerful message, we know that bad associations spoil useful habits; we know that birds of the same feather flock together; and we know that if we lay down with dogs, we get up with fleas. It is not what we know. It is what we are willing to do with what we know! The choices are ours to make. Choose wisely!
Happy Sunday! God bless!
I invite you to listen to this powerful message and be blown away as I!

Photo credit: www.alfredstreet.org

Receive our Blog in your Inbox

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Stuff We Talk About on Twitter